esmeandfiction (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
esmeandfiction) wrote2025-02-01 09:29 pm
esmeandfiction) wrote2025-02-01 09:29 pm
Entry tags:
Just a Memory - Chapter 4
Previously, Rey talked to Ben and allowed him back into her mind despite the fact that the mind-rape is still fresh in her head because that makes sense. We had another chapter where nothing much happened despite the potential. Here’s betting that trend will continue.
REY: Do we have to do this?
ESME: Yes.
KYLO: I guess it’s pointless to ask if anything’s going to happen?
ESME: You know the answer to that. Let’s just get started – I don’t have time for a lengthy intro.
Rey woke up the next morning feeling better.
REY: Convenient.
Her head hurt less. She wasn’t as dizzy when she stood to get dressed. She found her clothes fairly easily.
KYLO: And where were they? Care to tell us?
The room was meticulously organized. That must be Ren’s doing, not hers. Rey may not remember the last few years, but she knew she wasn’t this neat.
REY: Are you going to give us any details about what makes the room neat? No?
She headed out into the living room. The twins were already up, sitting on the floor playing with blocks while Ren lay stretched out beside them.
“Mom!” Han’s smile lit up his whole face.
KYLO: Is the story implying that our son inherited his namesake’s smile?
ESME: That would be a nice idea, but I doubt that the author remembers Han enough to think of it.
”Come play,” Paige said. Rey sat down next to them. She helped the kids build towers and knock them over.
REY: “She helped the kids build towers and knock them over”? That’s ALL we get of me bonding with my kids?
KYLO: I’m getting the feeling that the author doesn’t really care about the kids.
Her eyes flicked to Ren every so often. He used the Force to pass the twins blocks when they wanted them.
ESME: Okay, I’ll admit that’s a cute image.
Lazy. Rey smiled a little.
REY: As far as other me’s brain is concerned, he murdered his father yesterday, but sure, let’s smile and gush about how cute he is!
There was a knock on the door. Rey looked around the room. To the right of a kitchen
KYLO: A kitchen? Do we have more than one kitchen?
was a short hallway, with a large front door. It opened on its own. Rey looked over to see Ren with his arm stretched out.
KYLO: I don’t bother answering the door myself and I just open it with the Force? How lazy is other me?
Is this what peace time is like? Rey tilted her head. Domestic use of the Force.
REY: Yes, let’s be calm and domestic. It’s not like I have amnesia or anything!
The woman Ren had showed her in his memory last night stepped inside, followed by a tall red-head with a scowl on his face.
KYLO: (stares) Okay, I’m gonna ask this calmly . . . WHY THE HELL IS HUX HERE???
REY: Better question – how is Hux alive? We all saw how Pryde shot him.
ESME: It’s like how Kylo “became Ben again” without Leia’s sacrifice – meaning we won’t get any explanation.
A little girl around the same age as the twins darted through their legs. There was a lot of talking and gesturing between the girl and the twins and before Rey knew it, they were pulling on their shoes and heading outside.
Rey looked over at Ren. “Are they allowed to do that?”
“Yeah.” Ren smiled a little.
KYLO: We allow two-year-olds to go running out unsupervised? Do we have a fenced-in backyard?
ESME: Not as far as the story says. You’re apparently letting them just run off into the forest.
REY: Well aren’t we parents of the year?
”Rey! I’m so glad you’re all right.”
REY: I’m not all right when I don’t remember . . . oh, forget it.
Rose ran up to her and gave her a huge hug.
REY: Hey, PERSONAL SPACE! You DO know I don’t remember you, right?
Leia was asking about you lots. How’s auntie Rey? Like a thousand times a day.”
REY: So I assume Leia is Rose’s daughter, which would mean . . . wait, Rose is married to Hux??
ESME: Yes. For some reason, Rose/Hux became a popular pairing in certain parts of the fandom.
REY: But . . . why? In the only scene where they’re together, he’s capturing her and prepping her for execution.
KYLO: Not to mention that he’s, well, HUX.
ESME: Your guesses are as good as mine.
Rey smiled. “I’ve lost my memory, Rose.”
REY: And I’m really damn casual about it.
”I know. Finn called me last night to give me an update.”
REY: And yet you still grabbed me in a hug even though you knew I didn’t remember you.
Rose looked sad. Her gaze moved to Ren, now rising from the floor. He nodded at the man behind Rose.
KYLO: And I strangled him, right?
“We have so much to talk about,” Rose said. “But not now.
ESME (Rose): “The author wants us to get out of the story so you and Ben can have sexytimes.”
We’ll take the twins into town for a couple of hours. I know this must be a lot for you.” Rose gave her another hug.
REY: Does the concept of “personal space” mean anything to her?
”Don’t feed them too much sugar, Hux,” Ren said.
KYLO: Yup, I’d DEFINITELY trust Hux with my kids. After all, when I think “good with kids,” he’s the first person I think of!
Hux’s lips quirked slightly. “Why would I ever do that?”
KYLO: And feeding them too much sugar is the only thing I’d ever be concerned about when trusting my kids with that guy, totally makes sense. (fumes)
He and Rose left. It was very quiet after the door closed behind them.
Rey turned to Ren. “How did you sleep?” he asked.
REY: Oh perfectly fine, especially since I was in the same building as KYLO REN.
”Good. I feel less dizzy today,” Rey said. She headed into the kitchen and rummaged through the cupboards. She was able to make herself a bowl of cereal with little trouble. Her body must remember through muscle memory where things were.
REY: Again, convenient.
Rey was aware Ren was watching her closely. She could feel it through the Force.
REY: And that doesn’t make me uncomfortable or anything because that would require actually emoting.
Rey ate her cereal quickly, barely pausing to breathe between bites.
KYLO: And then she choked.
”I’m glad that not much about you has changed, despite your memory loss,” Ren said.
KYLO: Even though she forgot how to react.
Rey looked at him in the middle of lifting her spoon. Milk sloshed over the sides. “Oh. Good.” She wasn’t sure what else to say.
KYLO: Neither is the author.
After she ate she used the Force to place her bowl in the sink. It didn’t hurt as much today, not like the first time she tried. Rey felt a little dizzy, but otherwise fine. She would need to start using the Force again slowly.
REY: Good to see that the story tossed aside that plot point.
KYLO: And again, you don’t remember any of your training.
”Let’s go for a walk,” Ren said.
“Alright.”
REY: Alone in the wilderness with Kylo Ren – what could possibly go wrong?
Ren led her through a sliding door in the living room. Rey put on her boots and followed him into the grassy meadows that stretched out from their house.
KYLO: Isn’t this description so evocative?
His hand found hers and he intertwined their fingers.
Rey pulled her hand away and recoiled.
Ren’s face was pure shock. He seemed to remember himself after a moment.
KYLO: Did I seriously forget that my wife has amnesia??
”Sorry. Habit.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets, shoulders hunching.
ESME: Oh look, another moment with wasted potential. For Ben, it’s so natural to hold his wife’s hand that he doesn’t even think about it, but for Rey, it’s a horrible violation. You could milk a whole lot of angst out of this moment, but, well, just look what happens.
Rey frowned. “No. It’s alright.” She grabbed his hand and laced her fingers through his.
REY: (groans) Look, other me, it took a few conversations for me to want to touch his hand. After Starkiller I absolutely despised him and I’d probably rather eat my hand than let him hold it!
It felt strange.
KYLO: “Strange” doesn’t even begin to cover this situation.
Part of her was so content to hold his hand, and another felt like a traitor.
REY: Other me, does the name Han Solo ring a bell? You know, the guy you watched get brutally murdered by his son and now thanks to your amnesia, it feels like that happened yesterday?
Ren seemed to relax next to her.
“Rey, could you try your best to think of me as Ben.” His tone was soft.
REY: (blinks) He’s scolding me for my THOUGHTS?? I thought he was supposed to be redeemed!
KYLO: (also blinks) Is the author sure I “became Ben again”? I’m sounding REALLY creepy here.
”You can hear my thoughts?” Rey’s brows drew together. He had read her mind on Starkiller base, was he doing it again?
REY: And since I forgot how to emote when I got amnesia, I don’t shout at him to get out of my head or anything that would make sense.
Just echoes of it when you’re not thinking at me directly. After our fight on Starkiller, the Force connected us. Our bond lets us share thoughts and connects us together,” Ben said.
REY: This is a TERRIFYING idea when you’re not used to it, but I’m guessing other me won’t react at all.
”Oh.”
REY: (facepalms) Sometimes I hate being right.
”I’ll show you. Later. I can show the memory of our first conversation,” Ben said.
Rey nodded. “Yes, please.”
REY: Other me sure is eager to have her mind invaded again.
KYLO: And other me sure is eager to invade it.
His hand was big and warm. It enclosed hers so perfectly.
REY: Other me, is there any chance that you might remember the patricide thing when you’re finished drooling?
KYLO: You know the answer to that.
I’m not reading your mind. Just so you know. But I can hear the echo of your thoughts. And that name,” Ben said.
KYLO: DEAL WITH IT, other me. You’re wife’s got freakin’ AMNESIA! That’s a tad more serious than just her thinking stuff you don’t like!
”Sorry, I just-“
REY: You don’t need to apologize for your thoughts, other me.
”I know. You don’t remember.”
KYLO: But I’m still whining that her thoughts make me uncomfortable because that’s totally not creepy at all.
Rey wasn’t use to him being so understanding, gentle and, she glanced at him, tall.
ESME: Is that a reference to Adam Driver’s interview where he said Ben would be “understanding, gentle, and tall” in a marriage? If so, I’ll admit that’s mildly clever.
KYLO: Who’s Adam Driver?
ESME: Er . . . nevermind.
When she had woken up in the interrogation room on Starkiller she had hated him with her whole being, but as soon as he had taken his mask off, she knew she was in trouble. Rey couldn’t help but stare, at his hair, his dark eyes. He wasn’t what she had been expecting.
REY: Okay, yes I’ll admit I was taken aback when he first removed his mask, but then after he murdered Han, I absolutely, completely despised him. I tried to shoot him on sight the first time we Force-connected! It took a while for me to start opening up to him.
ESME: And it took seeing him shirtless.
REY: (glares)
It was warm and sunny outside. The grass was tall and there were wild flowers as far as the eye could see.
KYLO: I thought we lived near Maz’s palace. Maz’s palace is surrounded by forest.
Rey looked back on their home. It was the only one in the area.
“We live so secluded. Was that my idea or yours?”
KYLO: Maybe we’re living in exile because the Newer Republic or whatever they’ll call it declared that I’d be put in prison otherwise.
”Both. I wanted to be away from everyone. It was hard for me, after I left Kylo Ren behind, to feel like I would ever be accepted again… in any group. I wanted to be alone, away from anything to do with the resistance or the First Order.” Ben said.
ESME: And the entire galaxy is perfectly fine with him not facing justice for everything he did?
”What about me?” Rey asked. She could see herself wanting to be alone.
REY: I was alone for years and I HATED it.
She was so use to it from Jakku that a city would have been too much for her,
REY: If I don’t remember anything since Starkiller, then as far as my memories are concerned I’ve never even SEEN a city. How do I know if it would be too much for me or not?
but quiet with some friends close by would have been ideal.
”You’re not alone.”
“Neither are you.”
Rey’s brows drew together at the echo of the memory. When had they said that to each other?
KYLO: Am I sending her that memory or is she remembering it on her own?
”You wanted… to be close to your friends.
REY: And they all wanted to live out in the middle of nowhere too?
And to be with me. So you were happy with anything,” Ben said. Rey nodded.
REY: Again, what about our JOBS? How can we AFFORD to live out in the middle of nowhere and raise kids?
ESME: I guess that’s not important.
”Do you have friends near by too?”
“Your friends are my friends now. And I suppose I have Hux,” Ben huffed a laugh at himself.
KYLO: Friend? I can barely stand to be in the same room as him without strangling him!
”Hux?”
“The guy with Rose. He was with me in the first order.
KYLO: Which is CAPITALIZED.
ESME: Hey, that’s my line.
We didn’t exactly get along back then,” Ben said.
KYLO: You might say that. You might also say that my father didn’t exactly get along with Jabba the Hutt.
“But you were on the same side.”
“Yes, but we were also against each other.” Ben smiled.
KYLO: Am I going to tell her about how he started spying for the Resistance just because he wanted me out of power?
REY: Did that still happen in this timeline?
ESME: Who knows?
Rey trailed her fingers through the spikey grass. “So Rose ended up with someone from the First Order too.”
REY: For SOME reason.
”Yeah. That’s her story to tell though,” Ben said.
KYLO: Why do I feel like that means the author hasn’t figured out why Rose married Hux?
”Especially since I can’t understand how anyone could love Hux.”
KYLO: Well that’s ONE thing I can agree with other me on.
”Some people probably said that about you.”
REY: Yeah, for example I should be wondering how I could love him.
”You’re right.” Ben squeezed her hand. They looped back to the house once Rey was getting tired. The twins returned shortly after that and then Ben made dinner. Rey watched him with a sort of weird fascination as he cooked. The dreaded Kylo Ren was making dinner… for their family.
REY: (sighs) I could repeat myself, but instead I’ll just show everyone this.
Rey played with the twins until it was time for bed.
REY: Why do we keep skipping over me bonding with my kids?
KYLO: Because the kids are just props.
Ben helped her figure out their routine and soon Rey was tucking in Han and Paige while they smiled at her.
“I’m glad you’re feeling better, mom,” Paige said. “I was scared.”
REY: Two-year-olds don’t talk like this.
”It was just a bump on the head. I’ll be all better soon,” Rey said.
KYLO: I didn’t know “soon” meant SIX TO NINE MONTHS.
”Will you tell us a story from your childhood?” Han asked.
ESME: (groans) Okay, now we have confirmation that the author has never met a two-year-old. Two-year-olds are still in the process of learning how language works – they use short sentences or single-word phrases and they have difficulty pronouncing longer words like “childhood.”
Rey stilled. She looked at Ben. “This is a thing they like. To hear about their lives before we had them.”
REY: When I was a starving scavenger alone on a desert planet – yeah, good times.
”Do I have any good stories?”
REY: Why am I asking that? My memories of my childhood weren’t erased!
”You have plenty.” Ben said.
Rey thought for a moment. “When I was little, I used to have dune races with the other children on Jakku. We would race each other down the hill. We used metal scraps as sleds.”
“Awesome,” Han said. Paige giggled.
KYLO: Yup, these kids are just props.
Rey closed the door to their room and walked back into the living room with Ben. It wasn’t late, but she was tired.
“I’m going to rest. Will you show me another memory?” Rey asked.
REY: I guess I’m perfectly comfortable with my mind being invaded now.
”Yes.”
KYLO: How about I show her the memory of when she lightsabered me?
REY: Did that happen in this timeline? If Leia didn’t sacrifice herself until Exegol, then you wouldn’t have been distracted during the battle and I wouldn’t have had that opening to lightsaber you.
Rey got ready for bed and once she was seated with the covers pulled up to her waist,
KYLO: I guess we needed that detail for some reason?
Ben came in and sat beside her.
“Ready?”
Rey nodded. Ben took his time moving his hand up her face toward her temple. His warm fingers trailed a long her jaw,
ESME: Along, not a long.
KYLO: No one cares.
by her ear, and into her hair line.
REY: Why do I feel like he’s enjoying himself?
Rey drew in a shuddering breath.
REY: YES, we get it, I have the hots for him and that means mind-rape and patricide don’t matter!
Then she felt the memories come.
KYLO: Maybe we should have discussed what memories I’m going to show her before doing this.
”Murderous snake.”
Ben’s shocked face when she shot him with her blaster.
REY: Did Ben leave out how we were Force-linked when that happened and I couldn’t actually shoot him?
His face, barely healed.
KYLO: Again, if I’m showing her my memories, then how is she seeing my face?
”You are a monster.”
“Yes I am.”
KYLO: How many memories am I showing her?
Ben moving closer to her. The way they stared into each other’s eyes.
“Let the past die. Kill it if you have to.”
“You can’t stop needing them. It’s your greatest weakness.”
REY: He was shirtless when he said that. Am I really not noticing that part?
”Liar.”
“You’ll pay for what you did.”
“You’re not alone.”
“Neither are you.”
KYLO: Well I’ve got whiplash.
Rey opened her eyes to Ben drawing his hand away. Her breathing was unsteady. She wiped her cheeks when she felt the tears that were rolling down them.
REY: Why am I crying?
Rey wanted to say something to him, but the words wouldn’t come. He was so different, even in those memories, from what she knew of him on Starkiller.
ESME: And why is that a surprise when you’ve been all accepting of him being your husband this whole time?
His soul had been open for her to see.
REY: Yeah, and then soon after that he declared himself Supreme Leader of the galaxy. Convenient that he didn’t show me that memory.
And that moment when their hands touched. Rey felt it now, through every nerve in her body. She met his eyes. Ben’s mouth was tight, his eyes troubled.
KYLO: This would feel more earned if she hadn’t been accepting me this entire time.
”Good night, Rey.”
“Good night.”
She let him go.
ESME: Don’t tempt me to sing Let It Go.
She didn’t know what to say and Ben seemed to know there was nothing to be said. These memories were the past for him and the present for her. She fell back onto her pillow. Rey’s mind tried to stay on the memories he’d shown her, but soon sleep won out.
ESME: And so ends the chapter. And guess what? The next chapter is the last one.
REY: What?
ESME: Yeah, even though we haven’t yet gotten to the part where something actually happens, the author gave up after five chapters.
KYLO: Well, at least we can leave soon.
REY: Do we have to do this?
ESME: Yes.
KYLO: I guess it’s pointless to ask if anything’s going to happen?
ESME: You know the answer to that. Let’s just get started – I don’t have time for a lengthy intro.
Rey woke up the next morning feeling better.
REY: Convenient.
Her head hurt less. She wasn’t as dizzy when she stood to get dressed. She found her clothes fairly easily.
KYLO: And where were they? Care to tell us?
The room was meticulously organized. That must be Ren’s doing, not hers. Rey may not remember the last few years, but she knew she wasn’t this neat.
REY: Are you going to give us any details about what makes the room neat? No?
She headed out into the living room. The twins were already up, sitting on the floor playing with blocks while Ren lay stretched out beside them.
“Mom!” Han’s smile lit up his whole face.
KYLO: Is the story implying that our son inherited his namesake’s smile?
ESME: That would be a nice idea, but I doubt that the author remembers Han enough to think of it.
”Come play,” Paige said. Rey sat down next to them. She helped the kids build towers and knock them over.
REY: “She helped the kids build towers and knock them over”? That’s ALL we get of me bonding with my kids?
KYLO: I’m getting the feeling that the author doesn’t really care about the kids.
Her eyes flicked to Ren every so often. He used the Force to pass the twins blocks when they wanted them.
ESME: Okay, I’ll admit that’s a cute image.
Lazy. Rey smiled a little.
REY: As far as other me’s brain is concerned, he murdered his father yesterday, but sure, let’s smile and gush about how cute he is!
There was a knock on the door. Rey looked around the room. To the right of a kitchen
KYLO: A kitchen? Do we have more than one kitchen?
was a short hallway, with a large front door. It opened on its own. Rey looked over to see Ren with his arm stretched out.
KYLO: I don’t bother answering the door myself and I just open it with the Force? How lazy is other me?
Is this what peace time is like? Rey tilted her head. Domestic use of the Force.
REY: Yes, let’s be calm and domestic. It’s not like I have amnesia or anything!
The woman Ren had showed her in his memory last night stepped inside, followed by a tall red-head with a scowl on his face.
KYLO: (stares) Okay, I’m gonna ask this calmly . . . WHY THE HELL IS HUX HERE???
REY: Better question – how is Hux alive? We all saw how Pryde shot him.
ESME: It’s like how Kylo “became Ben again” without Leia’s sacrifice – meaning we won’t get any explanation.
A little girl around the same age as the twins darted through their legs. There was a lot of talking and gesturing between the girl and the twins and before Rey knew it, they were pulling on their shoes and heading outside.
Rey looked over at Ren. “Are they allowed to do that?”
“Yeah.” Ren smiled a little.
KYLO: We allow two-year-olds to go running out unsupervised? Do we have a fenced-in backyard?
ESME: Not as far as the story says. You’re apparently letting them just run off into the forest.
REY: Well aren’t we parents of the year?
”Rey! I’m so glad you’re all right.”
REY: I’m not all right when I don’t remember . . . oh, forget it.
Rose ran up to her and gave her a huge hug.
REY: Hey, PERSONAL SPACE! You DO know I don’t remember you, right?
Leia was asking about you lots. How’s auntie Rey? Like a thousand times a day.”
REY: So I assume Leia is Rose’s daughter, which would mean . . . wait, Rose is married to Hux??
ESME: Yes. For some reason, Rose/Hux became a popular pairing in certain parts of the fandom.
REY: But . . . why? In the only scene where they’re together, he’s capturing her and prepping her for execution.
KYLO: Not to mention that he’s, well, HUX.
ESME: Your guesses are as good as mine.
Rey smiled. “I’ve lost my memory, Rose.”
REY: And I’m really damn casual about it.
”I know. Finn called me last night to give me an update.”
REY: And yet you still grabbed me in a hug even though you knew I didn’t remember you.
Rose looked sad. Her gaze moved to Ren, now rising from the floor. He nodded at the man behind Rose.
KYLO: And I strangled him, right?
“We have so much to talk about,” Rose said. “But not now.
ESME (Rose): “The author wants us to get out of the story so you and Ben can have sexytimes.”
We’ll take the twins into town for a couple of hours. I know this must be a lot for you.” Rose gave her another hug.
REY: Does the concept of “personal space” mean anything to her?
”Don’t feed them too much sugar, Hux,” Ren said.
KYLO: Yup, I’d DEFINITELY trust Hux with my kids. After all, when I think “good with kids,” he’s the first person I think of!
Hux’s lips quirked slightly. “Why would I ever do that?”
KYLO: And feeding them too much sugar is the only thing I’d ever be concerned about when trusting my kids with that guy, totally makes sense. (fumes)
He and Rose left. It was very quiet after the door closed behind them.
Rey turned to Ren. “How did you sleep?” he asked.
REY: Oh perfectly fine, especially since I was in the same building as KYLO REN.
”Good. I feel less dizzy today,” Rey said. She headed into the kitchen and rummaged through the cupboards. She was able to make herself a bowl of cereal with little trouble. Her body must remember through muscle memory where things were.
REY: Again, convenient.
Rey was aware Ren was watching her closely. She could feel it through the Force.
REY: And that doesn’t make me uncomfortable or anything because that would require actually emoting.
Rey ate her cereal quickly, barely pausing to breathe between bites.
KYLO: And then she choked.
”I’m glad that not much about you has changed, despite your memory loss,” Ren said.
KYLO: Even though she forgot how to react.
Rey looked at him in the middle of lifting her spoon. Milk sloshed over the sides. “Oh. Good.” She wasn’t sure what else to say.
KYLO: Neither is the author.
After she ate she used the Force to place her bowl in the sink. It didn’t hurt as much today, not like the first time she tried. Rey felt a little dizzy, but otherwise fine. She would need to start using the Force again slowly.
REY: Good to see that the story tossed aside that plot point.
KYLO: And again, you don’t remember any of your training.
”Let’s go for a walk,” Ren said.
“Alright.”
REY: Alone in the wilderness with Kylo Ren – what could possibly go wrong?
Ren led her through a sliding door in the living room. Rey put on her boots and followed him into the grassy meadows that stretched out from their house.
KYLO: Isn’t this description so evocative?
His hand found hers and he intertwined their fingers.
Rey pulled her hand away and recoiled.
Ren’s face was pure shock. He seemed to remember himself after a moment.
KYLO: Did I seriously forget that my wife has amnesia??
”Sorry. Habit.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets, shoulders hunching.
ESME: Oh look, another moment with wasted potential. For Ben, it’s so natural to hold his wife’s hand that he doesn’t even think about it, but for Rey, it’s a horrible violation. You could milk a whole lot of angst out of this moment, but, well, just look what happens.
Rey frowned. “No. It’s alright.” She grabbed his hand and laced her fingers through his.
REY: (groans) Look, other me, it took a few conversations for me to want to touch his hand. After Starkiller I absolutely despised him and I’d probably rather eat my hand than let him hold it!
It felt strange.
KYLO: “Strange” doesn’t even begin to cover this situation.
Part of her was so content to hold his hand, and another felt like a traitor.
REY: Other me, does the name Han Solo ring a bell? You know, the guy you watched get brutally murdered by his son and now thanks to your amnesia, it feels like that happened yesterday?
Ren seemed to relax next to her.
“Rey, could you try your best to think of me as Ben.” His tone was soft.
REY: (blinks) He’s scolding me for my THOUGHTS?? I thought he was supposed to be redeemed!
KYLO: (also blinks) Is the author sure I “became Ben again”? I’m sounding REALLY creepy here.
”You can hear my thoughts?” Rey’s brows drew together. He had read her mind on Starkiller base, was he doing it again?
REY: And since I forgot how to emote when I got amnesia, I don’t shout at him to get out of my head or anything that would make sense.
Just echoes of it when you’re not thinking at me directly. After our fight on Starkiller, the Force connected us. Our bond lets us share thoughts and connects us together,” Ben said.
REY: This is a TERRIFYING idea when you’re not used to it, but I’m guessing other me won’t react at all.
”Oh.”
REY: (facepalms) Sometimes I hate being right.
”I’ll show you. Later. I can show the memory of our first conversation,” Ben said.
Rey nodded. “Yes, please.”
REY: Other me sure is eager to have her mind invaded again.
KYLO: And other me sure is eager to invade it.
His hand was big and warm. It enclosed hers so perfectly.
REY: Other me, is there any chance that you might remember the patricide thing when you’re finished drooling?
KYLO: You know the answer to that.
I’m not reading your mind. Just so you know. But I can hear the echo of your thoughts. And that name,” Ben said.
KYLO: DEAL WITH IT, other me. You’re wife’s got freakin’ AMNESIA! That’s a tad more serious than just her thinking stuff you don’t like!
”Sorry, I just-“
REY: You don’t need to apologize for your thoughts, other me.
”I know. You don’t remember.”
KYLO: But I’m still whining that her thoughts make me uncomfortable because that’s totally not creepy at all.
Rey wasn’t use to him being so understanding, gentle and, she glanced at him, tall.
ESME: Is that a reference to Adam Driver’s interview where he said Ben would be “understanding, gentle, and tall” in a marriage? If so, I’ll admit that’s mildly clever.
KYLO: Who’s Adam Driver?
ESME: Er . . . nevermind.
When she had woken up in the interrogation room on Starkiller she had hated him with her whole being, but as soon as he had taken his mask off, she knew she was in trouble. Rey couldn’t help but stare, at his hair, his dark eyes. He wasn’t what she had been expecting.
REY: Okay, yes I’ll admit I was taken aback when he first removed his mask, but then after he murdered Han, I absolutely, completely despised him. I tried to shoot him on sight the first time we Force-connected! It took a while for me to start opening up to him.
ESME: And it took seeing him shirtless.
REY: (glares)
It was warm and sunny outside. The grass was tall and there were wild flowers as far as the eye could see.
KYLO: I thought we lived near Maz’s palace. Maz’s palace is surrounded by forest.
Rey looked back on their home. It was the only one in the area.
“We live so secluded. Was that my idea or yours?”
KYLO: Maybe we’re living in exile because the Newer Republic or whatever they’ll call it declared that I’d be put in prison otherwise.
”Both. I wanted to be away from everyone. It was hard for me, after I left Kylo Ren behind, to feel like I would ever be accepted again… in any group. I wanted to be alone, away from anything to do with the resistance or the First Order.” Ben said.
ESME: And the entire galaxy is perfectly fine with him not facing justice for everything he did?
”What about me?” Rey asked. She could see herself wanting to be alone.
REY: I was alone for years and I HATED it.
She was so use to it from Jakku that a city would have been too much for her,
REY: If I don’t remember anything since Starkiller, then as far as my memories are concerned I’ve never even SEEN a city. How do I know if it would be too much for me or not?
but quiet with some friends close by would have been ideal.
”You’re not alone.”
“Neither are you.”
Rey’s brows drew together at the echo of the memory. When had they said that to each other?
KYLO: Am I sending her that memory or is she remembering it on her own?
”You wanted… to be close to your friends.
REY: And they all wanted to live out in the middle of nowhere too?
And to be with me. So you were happy with anything,” Ben said. Rey nodded.
REY: Again, what about our JOBS? How can we AFFORD to live out in the middle of nowhere and raise kids?
ESME: I guess that’s not important.
”Do you have friends near by too?”
“Your friends are my friends now. And I suppose I have Hux,” Ben huffed a laugh at himself.
KYLO: Friend? I can barely stand to be in the same room as him without strangling him!
”Hux?”
“The guy with Rose. He was with me in the first order.
KYLO: Which is CAPITALIZED.
ESME: Hey, that’s my line.
We didn’t exactly get along back then,” Ben said.
KYLO: You might say that. You might also say that my father didn’t exactly get along with Jabba the Hutt.
“But you were on the same side.”
“Yes, but we were also against each other.” Ben smiled.
KYLO: Am I going to tell her about how he started spying for the Resistance just because he wanted me out of power?
REY: Did that still happen in this timeline?
ESME: Who knows?
Rey trailed her fingers through the spikey grass. “So Rose ended up with someone from the First Order too.”
REY: For SOME reason.
”Yeah. That’s her story to tell though,” Ben said.
KYLO: Why do I feel like that means the author hasn’t figured out why Rose married Hux?
”Especially since I can’t understand how anyone could love Hux.”
KYLO: Well that’s ONE thing I can agree with other me on.
”Some people probably said that about you.”
REY: Yeah, for example I should be wondering how I could love him.
”You’re right.” Ben squeezed her hand. They looped back to the house once Rey was getting tired. The twins returned shortly after that and then Ben made dinner. Rey watched him with a sort of weird fascination as he cooked. The dreaded Kylo Ren was making dinner… for their family.
REY: (sighs) I could repeat myself, but instead I’ll just show everyone this.
Rey played with the twins until it was time for bed.
REY: Why do we keep skipping over me bonding with my kids?
KYLO: Because the kids are just props.
Ben helped her figure out their routine and soon Rey was tucking in Han and Paige while they smiled at her.
“I’m glad you’re feeling better, mom,” Paige said. “I was scared.”
REY: Two-year-olds don’t talk like this.
”It was just a bump on the head. I’ll be all better soon,” Rey said.
KYLO: I didn’t know “soon” meant SIX TO NINE MONTHS.
”Will you tell us a story from your childhood?” Han asked.
ESME: (groans) Okay, now we have confirmation that the author has never met a two-year-old. Two-year-olds are still in the process of learning how language works – they use short sentences or single-word phrases and they have difficulty pronouncing longer words like “childhood.”
Rey stilled. She looked at Ben. “This is a thing they like. To hear about their lives before we had them.”
REY: When I was a starving scavenger alone on a desert planet – yeah, good times.
”Do I have any good stories?”
REY: Why am I asking that? My memories of my childhood weren’t erased!
”You have plenty.” Ben said.
Rey thought for a moment. “When I was little, I used to have dune races with the other children on Jakku. We would race each other down the hill. We used metal scraps as sleds.”
“Awesome,” Han said. Paige giggled.
KYLO: Yup, these kids are just props.
Rey closed the door to their room and walked back into the living room with Ben. It wasn’t late, but she was tired.
“I’m going to rest. Will you show me another memory?” Rey asked.
REY: I guess I’m perfectly comfortable with my mind being invaded now.
”Yes.”
KYLO: How about I show her the memory of when she lightsabered me?
REY: Did that happen in this timeline? If Leia didn’t sacrifice herself until Exegol, then you wouldn’t have been distracted during the battle and I wouldn’t have had that opening to lightsaber you.
Rey got ready for bed and once she was seated with the covers pulled up to her waist,
KYLO: I guess we needed that detail for some reason?
Ben came in and sat beside her.
“Ready?”
Rey nodded. Ben took his time moving his hand up her face toward her temple. His warm fingers trailed a long her jaw,
ESME: Along, not a long.
KYLO: No one cares.
by her ear, and into her hair line.
REY: Why do I feel like he’s enjoying himself?
Rey drew in a shuddering breath.
REY: YES, we get it, I have the hots for him and that means mind-rape and patricide don’t matter!
Then she felt the memories come.
KYLO: Maybe we should have discussed what memories I’m going to show her before doing this.
”Murderous snake.”
Ben’s shocked face when she shot him with her blaster.
REY: Did Ben leave out how we were Force-linked when that happened and I couldn’t actually shoot him?
His face, barely healed.
KYLO: Again, if I’m showing her my memories, then how is she seeing my face?
”You are a monster.”
“Yes I am.”
KYLO: How many memories am I showing her?
Ben moving closer to her. The way they stared into each other’s eyes.
“Let the past die. Kill it if you have to.”
“You can’t stop needing them. It’s your greatest weakness.”
REY: He was shirtless when he said that. Am I really not noticing that part?
”Liar.”
“You’ll pay for what you did.”
“You’re not alone.”
“Neither are you.”
KYLO: Well I’ve got whiplash.
Rey opened her eyes to Ben drawing his hand away. Her breathing was unsteady. She wiped her cheeks when she felt the tears that were rolling down them.
REY: Why am I crying?
Rey wanted to say something to him, but the words wouldn’t come. He was so different, even in those memories, from what she knew of him on Starkiller.
ESME: And why is that a surprise when you’ve been all accepting of him being your husband this whole time?
His soul had been open for her to see.
REY: Yeah, and then soon after that he declared himself Supreme Leader of the galaxy. Convenient that he didn’t show me that memory.
And that moment when their hands touched. Rey felt it now, through every nerve in her body. She met his eyes. Ben’s mouth was tight, his eyes troubled.
KYLO: This would feel more earned if she hadn’t been accepting me this entire time.
”Good night, Rey.”
“Good night.”
She let him go.
ESME: Don’t tempt me to sing Let It Go.
She didn’t know what to say and Ben seemed to know there was nothing to be said. These memories were the past for him and the present for her. She fell back onto her pillow. Rey’s mind tried to stay on the memories he’d shown her, but soon sleep won out.
ESME: And so ends the chapter. And guess what? The next chapter is the last one.
REY: What?
ESME: Yeah, even though we haven’t yet gotten to the part where something actually happens, the author gave up after five chapters.
KYLO: Well, at least we can leave soon.
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Honestly, I can imagine that Hux’s own redemption arc could be a whole lot of potential, I know that much. Like, maybe him being forced to question everything he knew and maybe Rose managing to get used to him a little bit. That’s just an idea for how Hux’s redemption could play out in this fic; I think the seeds were there in TROS even if Hux mostly betrayed the First Order out of spite.
And honestly, I figured out one issue with the fic: the prose is really really sparse. I think sparse prose can be done well, of course, such as for dramatic effect (I’ve seen fic do that before), but it really just kind of feels like the author’s rushing to get from one action to the next, kind of like they’re really bored. (Or to be fair, maybe description is something they struggle with. And I can sympathize; description is something I struggle with too. Especially setting. So, it’s okay, author; description can be hard. Happens to the best of us)
I definitely thought it was interesting too regarding how actual two year olds behave as opposed to Han and Paige here. (Junior, that is) I guess the author could excuse it in universe with Han being a precocious kid but I was a precocious kid and even I didn’t talk like that. (Admittedly, at age two, I actually had a period where I stopped talking and had to have a coach brought in to help me, so I didn’t have a very conventional childhood in some ways)
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It honestly feels like the author wants to skip through certain parts of the story - particularly Rey bonding with her kids, even though that could be really interesting and heartbreaking if done well.
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And that really does feel inexplicable to me, why the author would want to skip through Rey bonding with her and Ben’s kids. That just…doesn’t feel right.
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