Midnight Sun - Chapter 10
Apr. 25th, 2023 04:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
esmeandfictionWardo saved Bawla from Random Rapist and his cronies, but neither Bawla nor Wardo called the police because Random Rapist’s other victims don’t matter so long as Bawla is safe. I hate this book.
Well, Bawla is still hesitant to tell Wardo her theories about him and it still doesn’t occur to her or Wardo or Meyer to CALL THE FUCKING POLICE ON THE RAPIST. Seriously, if you want any proof that Wardo doesn’t give a shit about any humans who aren’t Bawla, there it is right in front of you. The Cullens pretend that they care so much about humanity and saving lives . . . and yet Wardo’s not even calling the police on a FUCKING RAPIST who’s still running lose and could be raping someone else right now.
Bawla asks if she can ask one more question and Wardo agrees. She asks how Wardo knew she didn’t go in the bookstore and what direction she went after going in the bookstore. After she presses him, he admits that he ”followed your scent.”
Bawla, you’re alone in a car with a guy who admitted to stalking you, has telepathic powers, and now claims that he can “follow your scent” places. Anyone with any sense of self-preservation would be asking to pull over at the first convenience store you reach under the guise of having to go to the bathroom, then calling 911 and hoping the police can get to you before Wardo kills you.
But of course, this is Bawla, who has zero sense of self-preservation.
Like in Twilight, she asks how his mind-reading works and he explains it as best he can since ”She’d already guessed most of this, and it was an easier subject than the one that loomed.” Yeah, especially since revealing that you’re a vampire could ENDANGER YOUR FAMILY’S LIVES, but again, he’s not thinking about that.
Bawla asks why he can’t read her mind and he does the speech from Twilight where he thinks ”maybe your mind doesn’t work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I’m only getting FM.”
And she happens to be the ONLY PERSON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD with “AM frequency” thoughts. The Sueness is strong with this one.
Course, I still prefer the explanation that he can’t read her mind because she doesn’t have one.
”My mind doesn’t work right?” she asked, her voice rising. “I’m a freak?”
No, your mind doesn’t work right because you’re a moron being written by a moron.
”I hear voices in my mind and you’re worried that you’re the freak.” I laughed. She understood all the small things, and yet the big ones she got backward. Always the wrong instincts.
No, she doesn’t understand the big OR small things because like I said, moron written by moron.
Well, Wardo presses her once again about her theory and she hems and haws before exclaiming ”Holy crow!” Which still sounds as stupid as it did in Twilight. Seriously, does ANYONE in real life use that phrase? I’ve heard “Holy crap!” and “Holy shit!” and the non-swearing version “Holy cow!” but Twilight is literally the only place I’ve heard/read “Holy crow!”
Wardo ”didn’t understand where her terror was coming from” because apparently he thinks going 100 miles per hour is something normal humans do every day. When she points out how fast he’s going, he’s his usual considerate self and thinks ”This little thing, just a bit of speed, had her shouting in fear?”
Wardo, you get paranoid at the idea of Bawla going within a hundred miles of anything slightly dangerous and yet you can’t understand the concept of going 100 miles per hour being a hazard? You call it “just a bit of speed”?
Being the gentleman he is, Wardo rolls his eyes at her and talks condescendingly about how no, they won’t crash because he’s a superior vampire driver and he always goes way above the speed limit and she’s so silly for even being concerned about it. Just like in Twilight, he brags about how he’s never gotten a ticket because of his ”Build-in radar detector” and it’s as unfunny here as it was in Twilight. Guess what, reading minds won’t stop a car from running someone over.
He continues to be a condescending prick and only slows down when Bawla points out that he could walk away from an accident while she can’t. Yeah, pointing out how superior he is and how weak and pathetic she is is what gets him to slow down, but he continues to whine about how she’s making him drive slow. What a keeper.
Wardo presses the issue about her theory, promising he won’t laugh (yeah, I totally believe that after he laughs like a prick at everything), and she says she’s ”more afraid that you’ll be angry with me.” And all things considered, it sounds like she’s worried that he’ll hurt her if he gets angry.
After he presses her some more, she admits that she didn’t come up with her current theory by herself. He asks if she got the idea from something like a book and he tells us that he ”should have looked through her collections when she was out of the house. I had no idea if Bram Stoker or Anne Rice was there in her stack of worn paperbacks.” Thanks for that, Wardo. By the way, what would you have done if you found Dracula or Interview with the Vampire in her books? Would you burn them so she wouldn’t guess you guys were vampires?
Bawla confesses that she ran into Jacob at the beach. Wardo panics when he realizes that Jacob is a descendent of the Quileutes who made the treaty with the vampires and this is where we had one of the most infamous lines in the leaked draft. So did Meyer have any sense and cut the line out?
Let’s see, he’s all frozen with fear because yes, Bawla DOES know the truth, she knows they’re vampires. Bawla carefully details how Jacob told her a legend about vampires and Wardo just CAN’T BELIEVE that the Blacks dared to violate the treaty, but then he realizes that the younger generation would just think the stories were silly legends - even though you’d think the danger of YOUR ENTIRE TRIBE BEING EATEN BY VAMPIRES would be emphasized generation after generation, not to mention that OH YEAH, your teenage boys (and only one girl because Meyer is sexist that way) could spontaneously turn into WOLVES and it might be a good idea to prepare them for that.
And what do you know, here it is . . .
I supposed this meant I was now free to slaughter the small, defenseless tribe on the coastline, were I so inclined. Ephraim and his pack of protectors were long dead.
Here, I’ll let you read it again.
I supposed this meant I was now free to slaughter the small, defenseless tribe on the coastline, were I so inclined.
Here, read it again, and let me remind you that Meyer had TWELVE FUCKING YEARS to cut it.
I supposed this meant I was now free to slaughter the small, defenseless tribe on the coastline, were I so inclined.
But hey, is anyone surprised that rushing in to murder the ENTIRE FUCKING TRIBE is the first thing to come to Wardo’s mind? Moreover, he seems to like the idea that they’d be “small and defenseless” against him and that he’d be “free” to do so without the treaty holding him back. Even worse, THIS time it’s not motivated by rage like with Random Rapist or stupid jealousy like with Mike or supposed insane thirst for Bawla’s blood like when he plotted to murder the entire class. This time, he seems to enjoy the idea of murdering the entire tribe . . . simply because he can.
I know I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: Meyer thinks this fucking PSYCHO who always has murder on the brain is the ideal man.
(sighs) I think we can all use a cat break.
”He just thought it was a silly superstition,” Bella said suddenly, her voice edged with a new anxiety, almost as if she could read my thoughts. “He didn’t expect me to think anything of it.”
I think it’s extremely telling that Bawla seems worried that Wardo will actually hurt Jacob. She goes on to say she ”forced him to tell me” and then of course blames Lauren the blonde bitch because she said something not-nice about Wardo, ”trying to provoke me.” Of course, Wardo latches on to why she’d be provoked by someone saying something rude about him (and feels zero guilt for thinking about murdering the tribe because why would he? Fantasizing about murder is just a flex for him.).
He notices that she seems to feel ”guilty” about trying to get Jacob to tell her about the Cullens, which just FLOORS him and of course he starts laughing.
She felt guilty? What could she possibly have done to deserve censure of any kind?
Meyer, first off, I can think of a LONG list of things Bawla has done to deserve censure. Second, you’re sounding REALLY pathetic the way you feel the need to emphasize how perfect and amazing Bawla is every other line.
Bawla confesses that she fake-flirted with Jacob and here we go again.
I could just imagine—considering the attraction she seemed to hold for all things male, totally unconscious on her part—how overwhelming she would be when she tried to be attractive. I was suddenly full of pity for the unsuspecting boy she’d unleashed such a potent force on.
Dear. Fucking. GOD. Where do I even begin? It’s like Meyer is TRYING to make Bawla the biggest Sue in the universe. Yes, she’s got an innate attraction to ALL things male (and of course, non-heterosexuality doesn’t exist) and it’s a “potent force” when she tries to fake-flirt. BOW BEFORE HER PERFECTION, MEYER COMMANDS YOU!!
I’m seriously starting to think that she wrote this solely so she’d have an excuse to nauseate the reader with praise for her Sue.
I wished I could have heard the boy’s reaction, witnessed the devastation for myself.
Oh, are you still daydreaming about unleashing your own devastation on the entire tribe simply because you can?
Wardo lets us know that he’s not angry at Jacob since after all, he just thought he was telling a fictional story, ”And how could I expect anyone to deny this girl what she wanted?” (gags) Not only is that more Sueiness, but it’s also rich considering how determined you will be to deny her what she wants.
No, I only felt sympathy for the damage she would have done to his peace of mind.
I do too – he was a nice guy before he became a viable love interest for Bawla. Then he got turned into an asshole before being brainwashed into falling for an infant.
Wardo asks Bawla what happened next and Bawla tells him that she went researching online and Wardo calls that ”Ever practical.” Yes, now we’re supposed to swoon over how smart Bawla is because she did a freakin’ Google search. Meyer, guess what, everyone knows how to use Google. Even my technologically illiterate mother knows how to use Google. You and Bawla aren’t special because you know how to use Google.
Then Bawla drops the bomb that she ”decided it didn’t matter.” After all, Wardo is HAWT, and that means it doesn’t matter if he kills people. Bawla probably wouldn’t care that thirty seconds ago he was literally fantasizing about MURDERING AN ENTIRE TRIBE OF PEOPLE simply because he could. You know what? When Anakin murdered an entire tribe of Tuskens in Attack of the Clones, we were clearly supposed to see it as WRONG – and Anakin actually had a justifiable motive given that the Tuskens had kidnapped his mother and tortured her to death.
Just . . . WHY? Why does Bawla think this guy is the perfect man, why does Meyer think this guy is the perfect man, why did thousands of Twihards think this guy was the perfect man? WHY? Did his hotness REALLY make everything else okay in their eyes?
Wardo tells us that ”Her reactions were always wrong—always completely wrong. She pulled danger towards herself. She invited it.” Again, he’s right for the wrong reasons. She doesn’t have “wrong reactions” because she’s a speshul snowflake – she’s just decided that you’re not dangerous because you’re hot and she’s a moron.
How was I supposed to protect someone so… so… so determined to be unprotected?
“I’ll have to stare at her even MORE now! I’ll stare at her in the bathroom, in the shower, when she’s changing – but totally not in a peeping tom way, I’m never leaving her alone FOR HER OWN GOOD!”
”You don’t care if I’m a monster?
If I’m not human?”
“No.”
I started to wonder if she was entirely stable.
I can answer that for you, Wardo – she isn’t. In fact, she’s so unstable that when you leave in the next book, she’ll start endangering herself over and over just to induce hallucinations.
And guess what, Bawla’s starting to sound like Rey in Wildfire. That’s not a good thing.
And oh FUCK, you guys need to see this next part.
I supposed that I could arrange for her to receive the best care available…
I love how you automatically assume control over what kind of help Bawla gets instead of acknowledging that you AREN’T in charge of every aspect of her life, no matter how much you want to be.
Carlisle would have the connections to find her the most skilled doctors, the most talented therapists.
Why would a general practitioner who doesn’t seem to have any non-vampire friends have connections to the best therapists? Wardo, guess what, doctors and mental health specialists don’t always all know each other.
Perhaps something could be done to fix whatever it was that was wrong with her, whatever it was that made her content to sit beside a vampire with her heart beating calmly and steadily.
You can’t fix stupidity, Wardo.
I would watch over the facility, naturally, and visit as often as she allowed.
As often as SHE allowed? Yeah, I believe that almost as much as I believe that Bawla is a feminist figure. And Wardo, I thought the problem was that she DIDN’T care that she was around a vampire – seems like a vampire visiting her would be counterproductive.
They have their argument from Twilight about whether or not it should matter that Wardo’s a monster (again, Wardo IS a monster, but that’s got nothing to do with him being a vampire).
She knew I was inhuman, a horror, and this didn’t really matter to her.
That might be touching if she actually KNEW him and had any reason to think he was a good person other than that he’s hot and he’s saved her from random dangers a couple of times. Also, he’s been an ass for most of their time together. Also also, she’s going to see him as her ticket to sparkly rich immortality.
She asks how old he is and they have their exchange where he admits that he’s been seventeen for ”A while.” I’m sure that sounded funnier in Meyer’s head.
”Don’t laugh,” she warned. “But how can you come out during the daytime?”
I laughed despite her request.
Ass. Wardo’s starting to remind me of a typical schoolyard bully with how much he’s laughing at everyone.
Her research had not netted anything unusual, it seemed.
Yeeeeaah, Meyer, you really shouldn’t brag about knowing how to use Google if you think actual research on vampires wouldn’t reveal a single one who can come out during the day. Vampires burning up in the sun is actually a relatively recent addition to vampire mythos – it was first introduced in the German silent film Nosferatu (which was a Dracula adaptation in all but name). Before that, yeah, there were vampire legends where daylight would weaken a vampire (such as in the original Dracula), but they could still go out during the day if they wanted to.
Wardo then drops the bomb that not only does he not sleep in a coffin, but he’s unable to sleep at all. Another thing that had potential to be explored, but as usual Meyer just uses it as yet another way vampires are Better Than You because wimpy humans need sleep (and also, it’s an excuse for Wardo to stare at Bawla all night).
And speaking of which, just in case we forgot for a millisecond that Wardo’s a creeper, he tells us that ”Sleep had not been a part of my life for so long—not until these last few nights, as I’d watched Bella dreaming.” Meyer, this ISN’T FUCKING ROMANTIC. This is SICK.
As I met her penetrating gaze, read the surprise and the sympathy there, I abruptly yearned for sleep.
Why, because he’s reading this book?
Not for oblivion, as I had before, not to escape boredom, but because I wanted to dream. Maybe if I could be unconscious, if I could dream, I could live for a few hours in a world where she and I could be together. She dreamed of me. I wanted to dream of her.
Or he might dream of being naked in front of a crowd of people and expected to deliver a speech he forgot to practice.
Jokes aside, this is what I mean about the idea having potential if Meyer would take her hand out of her pants for once. Personal story time: I’ve been suffering EXTREME back pain for well over a year and needless to say, it’s been interfering with my sleep. Well, the other night (after hours of lying awake) I dreamed that I was going to Ocean City with Harrison Ford and he hugged me as if he understood that I’ve been going through a really rough time. It was a silly dream, but you know what? It lifted my mood, and right now when I’m suffering so much pain I’ll take anything that lifts my mood even a little bit.
When you think about it, our ability to dream is really amazing. In dreams we create worlds without rules, without limits, where literally anything can happen. Two of my favorite movies of all time – Paprika and Inception – explore how the world of dreams can be both an enticing and a frightening place.
But when you become a Meyerpire, you lose the ability to dream. You’re stuck in the real world for the rest of eternity and you can never again visit the wonderfully weird universe of your subconscious. You’d think vampires would really miss being able to dream, but of course Meyer’s not interested in acknowledging that you might LOSE anything when you become a sparkly superior vampire and of course, Wardo only wants to dream so he can dream about being with Meyer’s Sue.
Back to the stinky book. Wardo laments that he can’t dream of Bawla and ”she shouldn’t dream of me” before pressing Bawla about why she hasn’t asked him about what he eats. Well that’s because she doesn’t give a shit if you murder people – you’re HAWT, and that’s all that matters.
At some point, she must be made to see that this all did matter—more than any other consideration. Considerations like the fact that I loved her.
Blah blah blah you don’t fucking know her blah blah blah.
Wardo’s right about one thing, though – whether or not he murders people DOES matter. So does whether or not he fantasizes about committing genocide just because he can.
Bawla tells him that Jacob said they only ate animals (and after all, Jacob is the most reliable source when he doesn’t even believe the stories are true). She asks if that’s true (since of course Wardo can be trusted to tell the truth) and Wardo says that even though they don’t eat people, they’re ”still dangerous.” Bawla the genius replies ”I don’t understand.”
Oh yes, it’s impossible to understand why vampires would be dangerous. Isn’t Bawla SMART?
Wardo tells her that even though they try not to eat humans, they sometimes ”make mistakes.” Yup, that’s all murder is – a mistake. It’s no different than cheating on a diet.
Her scent was still a force in the car. I was growing used to it, I could almost ignore it, but there was no denying that my body still yearned toward her for the worst possible reason.
(stares) Either Meyer is TRYING to make Wardo sound rapey or she’s the biggest idiot in the world.
When Bawla says ”This is a mistake?” in a sad tone, Wardo just CAN’T BELIEVE IT. She still wants to be with him! Huzzah! Sure, he’s a creepy ass and she just wants to be with him because he’s HAWT, but believe Meyer, this is a love story for the ages! ROOT FOR THEM, DAMMIT!
Blah blah blah, boring conversation from Twilight continues, Bawla asks why the Cullens don’t eat people and the fact that she DOES ask this shows where her morals lie (right next to Wardo’s).
Wasn’t it obvious? Or maybe this didn’t matter to her, either.
No Wardo, it doesn’t, because she hates humans almost as much as you do.
”I can’t be sure, of course, but I’d compare it to living on tofu and soymilk; we call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke. It doesn’t completely satiate the hunger—or rather thirst. But it keeps us strong enough to resist. Most of the time.”
Look, I’m a vegetarian – an actual vegetarian. Not a vegan (I love dairy products), but I eat tofu-based food on a regular basis. Meat substitutes can be hit-or-miss, yes, but when they hit, they REALLY hit. Tofu is actually a pretty miraculous food with how it can be used in such a diverse variety of dishes. So yeah, Meyer, way to insult vegetarians by implying that they can never be truly satisfied with what they eat (and oh yeah, vegetarians eat a LOT more than just tofu and soymilk).
Wardo confesses that it’s ”very difficult” for him to restrain himself when he’s alone with Bawla, but like the idiot she is, she doesn’t give a shit about that either. She tells him that she doesn’t think his hungry because of his color-changing eyes being yellow right now (which still makes ZERO sense) and of course Wardo has to tell us that ”she was dead right, as usual.” Except, you know, all those times when she ISN’T right and needs to be spoon-fed basic information.
Blah blah blah, more of the boring Twilight conversation, Wardo says he gets ”anxious” when Bawla’s out of his sight because ISN’T THAT ROMANTIC? Oh, and Wardo of course continues being an ass by saying he’s ”surprised that you did make it through a whole weekend unscathed.” But of course, he has to add on ”not totally unscathed” when he remembers that her hands got bruised. Bawla says she fell and Wardo grins like an ass at that.
When Wardo lets it slip that he and Emmett got back from their hunting trip on Sunday, she asks why they haven’t been to school this week because HOW DARE Wardo not go to school and let her ogle him! He tells her that even though sunlight doesn’t hurt him, he still can’t go out in the sun and we all know why. After all, nothing says “vampire” like “overload of body glitter.”
Wardo says he’ll show her even though he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to do so. Still not one word about the Volturi, by the way. Given that Wardo tries to commit suicide via sparkling in New Moon, you’d think he’d be a bit concerned about what could happen if he shows Bawla how he sparkles.
I didn’t know if I could be allowed to see her again, after tonight.
And since when has that stopped you?
Did I love her enough yet to be able to bear leaving her?
Again, that won’t matter since you’ll be convinced that she’ll end up in mortal danger if you’re not staring at her 24/7.
Bawla whines that Wardo didn’t call her even though he doesn’t OWE her a phone call, especially since they STILL BARELY KNOW EACH OTHER.
”I didn’t like it,” she said shyly, the skin over her cheekbones warming. “Not seeing you. It makes me anxious too.”
“Meyer thinks people should have no lives outside of their Forever and Ever True Love, after all. She also thinks actually getting to KNOW your Forever and Ever True Love before deciding they’re your Forever and Ever True Love is for weenies.”
I was bewildered, elated, horrified—mostly horrified—to realize that all my wildest fantasies were not so far off the mark.
“Yay, she thinks I’m hot!”
This was why it didn’t matter to her that I was a monster.
Being HAWT automatically forgives everything! Pay no attention to how Wardo was fantasizing about genocide five minutes ago!
It was exactly the same reason that the rules no longer mattered to me.
“I don’t care that the Volturi could kill my entire family over this!”
Why right and wrong were no longer compelling influences.
How cute, Meyer is trying to convince us that Wardo EVER cared about morality.
Why all my priorities had shifted one rung down to make room for this girl at the very top.
I’d repeat for the zillionth time that he doesn’t KNOW her, but he still won’t listen.
And of course, since it’s been a whole thirty seconds since Wardo last shat on humans . . .
I knew it could be nothing in comparison to how I loved her—she was mortal, changeable. She wasn’t locked in with no hope of recovery.
I love how the super-superior Better Than You vampire true love is described as being “locked in with no hope of recovery.” Again, if that’s Meyer’s idea of true love, she can fucking HAVE it. Why the fuck would anyone WANT to be “locked in with no hope of recovery” with someone they don’t even fucking KNOW?
But OH NOES, he realizes that ”it would cause her pain if I did the right thing and left her.” It’ll cause us pain too, Wardo. You have NO fucking idea how unbearable she’ll become when you leave her. But if you seriously think you might EAT her, then isn’t it better to leave and hurt her than stay and KILL her?
Was there anything I could do now that would not hurt her? Anything at all?
Hmm, you could stop being a douchebag, but that’s not an option for you.
Every word we spoke here—each one of them was another pomegranate seed. That strange vision in the restaurant had been more on point than I’d realized.
No, it just demonstrated that you and Meyer don’t understand the Persephone myth AT ALL. Besides, Bawla wouldn’t care if her mother was grieving her and plunging the world into famine while doing so because she’d just want to ogle you.
And oh . . . the cover of this book is a pomegranate . . . oh fuck me. (facepalms)
Wardo melodramatically laments that he should never have returned to Forks, but he still concludes that ”Nothing would stop me” from staying by Bawla’s side, including presumably her telling him to fuck off. Like in Twilight, he insists that Bawla should stay away from him because he’s ”dangerous” and Bawla doesn’t listen. I think I’m supposed to be invested here, but even if I didn’t already know how the story goes, I’d have no reason to be invested because THEY DON’T FUCKING KNOW EACH OTHER. Also, Wardo’s a dickhead and he was casually fantasizing about GENOCIDE five minutes ago.
Then Bawla says, ”I told you, it doesn’t matter what you are. It’s too late.” Yes, Bawla’s got the hots for Wardo, which means it’s TOO LATE. He could be a serial killer and Bawla wouldn’t care because he’s just TOO HOT FOR THAT TO MATTER!
And of course, this causes Wardo to go into Melodrama Mode.
Too late? The world was bleakly black and white for one endless second as I watched the shadows crawl across the sunny lawn toward Bella’s sleeping form in my memory. Inevitable, unstoppable. They stole the color from her skin, and plunged her into darkness, into the underworld.
Wardo, two things. One: even though you wangst to death about being a vampire, you turn up your nose at inferior pathetic humans every chance you get. Two: even though you and Meyer want me to believe Bawla is so mature and wise beyond her years, she’s still SEVENTEEN. She’s seventeen and she’s dealing with her first crush. People get over their first teenage crushes. So no, she may think it’s “too late,” but it’s absolutely not, and a century-old vampire should know that.
Too late? Alice’s vision swirled in my head, Bella’s bloodred eyes staring back at me impassively, expressionless.
But is he worried that her eyes being “bloodred” means that she might murder people in the future? Of course not, that would require CARING about humans who aren’t Bawla, silly!
But there was no way that she could not hate me for that future. Hate me for stealing everything from her.
That’s hilarious, not only because I know how much she’ll whine about wanting to be a vampire, but also because you worship the guy who changed you into a vampire even though you think it condemned you to a damned existence.
Wardo snarls at her to not say it’s too late and a tear runs down her cheek because she’s as melodramatic as he is. He apologizes and his narration launches into a nauseating spiel about all the things he’s sorry for, including ”that she was so unfortunate as to have inspired this first, and last, tragic love of mine.” Lest we forget that vampires love Better Than You because once they fall in love, they can NEVER EVER BE WITH ANYONE ELSE FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY and if they lose their One True Forever and Ever Love, they NEVER MOVE ON EVER.
Sorry also for the things beyond my control—that I’d been the executioner chosen by fate to end her life in the first place.
Wardo, she’s still human and she still doesn’t fucking KNOW you. You haven’t been chosen by “fate” to be anyone’s executioner and you can still LEAVE. DEAR GOD THIS BOOK IS STUPID.
(sighs) Wardo asks Bawla why she didn’t look scared when Random Rapist was attacking her and she does her unfunny line from Twilight about how she was trying to remember how to smash a guy’s brains in and Wardo’s an ass again.
This was no hyperbole, and her fury was not humorous now. I could see her frail figure—just silk over glass—overshadowed by the meaty, heavy-fisted human monsters who would have hurt her.
Okay, I’ll freely admit that she likely wouldn’t have succeeded in fighting Random Rapist, but it’s still the five hundredth time Wardo has emphasized how fragile and breakable she is even compared to other humans. He also tells us that ”Her instincts were deadly—to herself.” Yes Wardo, WE GET IT, you need to stare at Bawla 24/7 because she’ll drop over dead otherwise.
Blah blah blah, conversation from Twilight continues where Bawla claims ”I fall down a lot when I run” even though we see little to no evidence of that. Guess what, even when you’re LOLCLUMSY, the smart thing to do when you’re being attacked by rapists is to RUN.
”You were right,” I told her, a sour edge to my voice. “I’m definitely fighting fate trying to keep you alive.”
Trust me Wardo, she ain’t worth the effort.
Bawla asks if he’ll be in school tomorrow and I love how she doesn’t think there’s anything strange about vampires going to high school over and over again for eternity. Wardo’s narration says ”As long as we were on our way down to hell—why not enjoy the journey?” Again, Wardo, neither you nor Bawla is locked into this relationship, no matter how much Meyer wants me to believe it.
When they reach Charlie’s house, Bawla makes Wardo PROMISE that he’ll be in school tomorrow because OH NOES HOW WILL SHE SURVIVE ANOTHER DAY WITHOUT HIM? He tells her she can keep his jacket, but she still gives it back on account of she doesn’t want to tell Charlie what happened. Sure, she was almost FUCKING RAPED, but that’s none of Charlie’s business!
She’s hesitant to leave, just like how Wardo is hesitant to let her leave and ”have her unprotected, even for a few moments…” Wardo, you’re paranoid as fuck and you’re a creeper and I hate you. He muses that even though Peter and Charlotte have left by now, ”there were always others.” And, you know, the VOLTURI. You’ve told a human that vampires exist, which means that your life, her life, and your family’s lives are all in danger, but once again you’re not thinking about that.
Wardo asks her to promise not to ”go into the woods alone” because Daddy Wardo Knows Best. She responds ”Whatever you say” because she’s already learning her place.
”I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said, knowing that I would see her much sooner than that. She wouldn’t see me until tomorrow, though.
Blah blah blah Wardo is a fucking creeper blah blah blah.
Wardo tells us that it’s ”Agony” to say goodbye to her and I don’t think Meyer could get more melodramatic if she tried.
”Sleep well,” I whispered, and leaned away before the urgency in my body—either the familiar thirst or the very new and strange hunger I suddenly felt—could make me do something that might hurt her.
(stares)
Great, as if Wardo weren’t creepy enough already, now we’re implying that he’s feeling rapey.
Meyer remembers that Bawla is supposed to be LOLCLUMSY, so Bawla trips slightly as she gets out of the car and Wardo, of course, laughs like the dick he is. After she goes inside, he drives off, letting us know that he’ll ”be back soon to make sure” she’s safe. Have I mentioned how much I hate this guy?
No longer did I have to dread that she would find out what I was. She knew. It didn’t matter to her. Even though this was obviously a bad thing for her, it was amazingly liberating for me.
Hey Wardo, not meaning to be a broken record here, but aren’t there vampire leaders whose coven name begins with a V and are supposed to be the Big Bads of your series? Aren’t they supposed to be evil and corrupt and looking for any excuse to threaten your family? Any of that ring a bell? No?
More than that, I thought of Bella and requited love.
She doesn’t “love” you, idiot. She’s obsessed with your hotness. There’s a HUGE difference. Course I could repeat that you two still don’t even KNOW each other until the end of time and Meyer still won’t listen.
She couldn’t love me the way I loved her—such an overpowering, all-consuming, crushing love would probably break her fragile body.
First off, oh wow, Wardo shat on humans for the five millionth time, how original. Second, I’m not seeing any “overpowering, all-consuming, crushing love” – I’m just seeing a guy with no life obsessing over staring at a teenage girl he doesn’t even know well.
Yeah, you know what, I’ll take Leia and Han over these guys any day. They may be weak, pathetic, fragile humans who can’t dream of having the Better Than You love that vampires have, but they actually RESPECT each other as people and ENJOY being together and get to KNOW each other before falling in love and have LIVES that don’t just consist of staring at each other. That doesn’t mean their love is weak – that means they USE their love to make their lives and the lives of those around them STRONGER.
Also, neither one breaks into the other’s house to watch them sleep.
And third, Meyer thinks she’s being ironic with that line because Bawla’s “love” for Wardo is, in her own words, “an exception to the human rule.” Because Bawla is Meyer’s Sue and that means she loves Better Than You, even if her “love” mainly consists of an endless loop gushing over his hotness and then she mainly sees him as her ticket to being rich and immortal.
But even though Bawla’s just a lowly inferior human, she still cares enough about Wardo to not be afraid of him and not care that he’s a vampire, ”And being with her was the greatest happiness I had ever known.”
If being with Bawla is the “greatest happiness you’ve ever known” in a century-long life . . . Wardo, you really DO have no life. Maybe you should try taking a few decades off from repeating high school over and over.
He gushes over her for a few nauseating paragraphs and that of course leads to him wangsting about how delicate and fragile she is and then he remembers his rage at Random Rapist and how he wants to kill the guy.
Bella was, I trusted, safe inside her home; for a moment I was fiercely glad that Charlie Swan—head of the local law enforcement, trained and armed—was her father. That ought to mean something, provide some shelter for her.
Oh, you suddenly trust a puny pathetic HUMAN to protect her?
Wardo thinks that he could go murder Random Rapist now and be back in time to stare at Bawla while she sleeps, but he ”could not allow her to care for a murderer.” Ignoring the fact that he IS a murderer for a moment, notice the wording. He couldn’t ALLOW her to care for a murderer. Once again we’re reinforcing that Wardo is in charge of every aspect of Bawla’s live and he decides what she can and can’t do.
But hey look, Wardo FINALLY realizes that hey, Random Rapists is still on the loose and could rape other people BESIDES Bawla! Wow, I had no idea that any humans other than Bawla mattered! However, he of course frames it by saying he’s ”A human monster—did that make him the humans’ problem? We did not often involve ourselves with human problems, aside from Carlisle and his constant work to heal and save. For the rest of us, our weakness for human blood was a serious impediment to becoming closely entangled with them.”
One, bullshit. Two, bullshit. Three, BULLSHIT. After you had every opportunity to call the police on Random Rapist, Meyer’s NOW trying to convince me that you give a shit about his future victims? Carlisle cares SO SO MUCH about preserving human life, but he doesn’t even bother keeping his medical license up to date or LEARNING NEW MEDICAL DISCOVERIES (and that’s not even bringing up all the medical fail in later books). Also, if your weakness for human blood is really SO dangerous that you avoid humans for their own good, then why the fuck do you go to high school and expose yourselves to hundreds of humans every day??? For that matter, you don’t even need to get close to humans to make a simple PHONE CALL.
Meyer Wardo FINALLY remembers that the Volturi exist and that ”Drawing their attention with any poorly-considered superhero-esque performances would be extremely dangerous to our family.” I guess you only care about putting your family in danger when someone other than Bawla is in danger.
This was definitely a mortal concern, not of our world. To commit the murder I ached to commit was wrong. I knew that.
And you’ve let that stop you since when?
But leaving him free to attack again could not be the right thing, either.
Again: Call. The. POLICE. Fuck, you and Bawla could have called the police instead of going out to dinner and you could have both identified her attacker, but I guess that wasn’t as important as ordering her to drink a truckload of Coke.
Wardo thinks about the waitress from the restaurant and Horny Hostess (who we now learn was blonde because of course she was) and tells us that even though they annoyed him, that doesn’t mean they deserve to be raped. I love how Wardo feels the need to point that out, as if the reader would otherwise think that of COURSE they deserved to be raped because they dared to annoy the mighty Edward Cullen.
But, does Wardo call the police NOW? Of course not – instead he drives home, where he finds Alice sitting on the porch. Alice think talks ”Thank you for returning my call.” Wardo apologizes for missing the call she apparently made after she saw a vision of Random Rapist attacking Bawla. He tells her that he thought about inviting her to dinner, asking if she had a vision of that, but she says she didn’t catch because she’s trying to have a vision of what Jasper will give her for their anniversary.
Anyway, thanks to her future visions, Alice knows that Wardo told Bawla that they’re vampires. She think-asks if he’s going to tell the rest of the family, he says that he will ”Later.” and Alice think-responds ”Do me a favor and tell Rosalie when I’m not around, okay?” Have we mentioned that Rosalie’s a bitchy bitch blonde bitch?
I tried to block the image I didn’t want to see—Bella and Alice, best of friends.
You know, in the context of all the homoeroticism between Bawla and Alice, that sounds like Wardo’s worried that Alice will take Bawla from him.
Well, Wardo’s anxious to . . . do something to Random Rapist, I guess, but he’s also anxious about leaving Bawla alone for a whole couple of hours or so.
She’ll be fine tonight. I’m keeping a better watch now. She sort of needs twenty-four-hour supervision, doesn’t she?
Meyer, you’re laying it on really thick here. How am I supposed to believed that Bawla’s totally not a weakling when you write her as “needing twenty-four-hour supervision”?
Alice tells Wardo that he’ll ”be with her soon enough” and to ”get this done so you can be where you want to be” and I want to puke. Meyer, you’re not warming me to Alice when she condones Wardo breaking into Bawla’s house and staring at her all night.
Anyway, Wardo heads upstairs to Carlisle’s study. Alice apparently filled him in on how Bawla was attacked (did she tell him that no one called the police?) and Wardo tells him about how he wants to kill Random Rapist SOOOO BADLY! He knows that killing him for revenge is wrong, but ”it can’t be right to leave a serial rapist and murderer wandering Port Angeles! I don’t know the humans there, but I can’t let someone else take Bella’s place as his victim. Those other women—it’s not right—“
I love how Wardo assumes ALL of Random Rapist’s victims will be women. After all, men can’t be raped! I also love how Wardo feels the need to point out that he doesn’t know whoever Random Rapist’s other victims will be as if he normally wouldn’t give a shit about humans he doesn’t know. Honestly, this whole section feels like Meyer is desperately trying to backpedal and convince her critics that see, Wardo DOES TOO care about humans who aren’t Bawla!
But instead of asking why the fuck Wardo didn’t CALL THE FUCKING POLICE hours ago, Carlisle just smiles at him and think-sings praise at him and Bawla.
She’s very good for you, isn’t she? So much compassion, so much control. I’m impressed.
Yes, so much compassion that he didn’t bother thinking to CALL THE POLICE immediately after Bawla was attacked.
Carlisle think-talks that he’ll ”take care of it,” Wardo says he’ll show him where Random Rapist is, and Carlisle gets his doctor’s bag. Of course, Wardo lets us know that ”I would have preferred a more aggressive form of sedation—like a cracked skull—but I would let Carlisle do this his way.” Pinnacle of compassion there.
They drive off to Port Angeles with their headlights off ”to keep from attracting attention, which makes it more likely for another car to crash into them, but they’re so compassionate, believe Meyer!
It made me smile to think how Bella would have reacted to this pace. I’d already been driving slower than usual—to prolong my time with her—when she’d objected.
Okay, Meyer, Wardo, Carlisle, all of you, come over here, I have something to tell you. Cars DON’T have magical vampire reflexes. If you slam the brakes when it’s going over 100 miles per hour, the car is gonna go skidding and injure or kill everyone and everything in its path before it stops.
Oh, and Wardo? You could have prolonged your time with Bawla even longer if you’d driven the speed limit like a normal person. Just sayin’.
For that matter, why do you even need to take a car? Since this is a secret vampire mission, wouldn’t you get there much quicker on foot? Again, why the hell would vampires be into cars when they can run faster than the eye can see?
Oh, and Carlisle’s still think-waxing poetic about Bawla.
I didn’t foresee that she would be so good for him. That’s unexpected. Perhaps this was somehow meant to be. Perhaps it serves a higher purpose. Only…
Yes, Meyer just typed with a straight face that Bawla and Wardo’s Truest of True Loves is meant to be and serves a higher purpose. The higher purpose being . . . what? Making Bawla a superior rich Sue vampire and fulfilling Meyer’s Sue fantasies?
Speak of the devil, Carlisle then imagines Bawla as OH NOES A VAMPIRE! Of course, this causes Wardo to go into Emo Mode, wangsting, ”how could there be any good in destroying something so pure and lovely?” And now I have to laugh myself crazy, both at idiot shallow Balwa being described as “pure and lovely” and vamping her being described as “destroying” her when Meyer will make Vampire Bawla the biggest superior Sue in the universe. Then again, vamping Bawla made her even more annoying than she was before, so maybe it was “destroying” her.
Edward deserves happiness. He’s owed it. The fierceness of Carlisle’s thoughts surprised me. There must be a way.
Seriously? Mr. I’m Casually Fantasizing About Genocide Simply Because I Can doesn’t deserve ANYTHING except for the Volturi to burn him to ashes and he’s sure as HELL not owed happiness.
I wished I could believe either of his hopes. But there was no higher purpose to what was happening to Bella. Just a vicious harpy, an ugly, bitter fate who could not bear for her to have the life she deserved.
Why am I thinking of Meyer as the “vicious harpy” who can’t stand for Bawla to have the regular life she deserves and is desperate to give her sparkly rich Sue vampirism instead?
They arrive at Port Angeles and Wardo follows Random Rapist’s thoughts to a bar, where he’s ”drowning his disappointment” and two of his comrades are ”already passed out” because Meyer thinks people pass out at real bars all the time like they do in the movies. And of course, since Random Rapist’s sole purpose in the story is to threaten Bawla, he’s still thinking about her, with his ”memories of Bella mixed in with those of less fortunate girls whom no one could save now.”
Carlisle think-talks to Wardo (seriously Meyer, just because Wardo CAN read minds doesn’t mean people can’t talk to him the regular way), saying he’ll take care of Random Rapist and telling him to go back to Forks so he can break into Bawla’s house to watch her sleep. Don’t you just love how perfect saintly Carlisle condones Wardo being a creeper and actively encourages it?
So Wardo goes running back to Bawla’s house and creeps into her bedroom and FUCK I HATE THIS GUY. He’s all relieved to find her safe in her bed, but oh no, she’s shivering in her sleep. Why is she so cold? Wardo can’t figure it out, so he decides to go exploring the rest of her house (what, you suddenly trust her to not die of a heart attack in her sleep?). He hears Charlie snoring and gets a vague impression that he’s dreaming about fishing because why wouldn’t he be? Since Charlie’s a man, his only interests in life are fishing and sports – but at least that’s more interests than most people in this series have.
Wardo finds a blanket in a cupboard and spreads it over Bawla – a gesture which might be considered sweet if he weren’t FUCKING BREAKING INTO HER HOUSE!
He sits in the rocking chair to stare at Bawla and thinks about how Carlisle’s plan for Random Rapist can’t possibly go wrong because Alice saw it succeeding and as we know, Alice’s visions are totally infallible except when they aren’t.
Thinking of my father made me sigh—Carlisle gave me too much credit.
Understatement of the century.
I wished I were the person he thought me to be. That person, the one who deserved happiness, might hope to be worthy of this sleeping girl. How different things would be if I could be that Edward.
Notice the wording here. He’s not wishing to be a better person because he feels guilty for his actions or his bloodlust, but only because he thinks being a better person might help him score with Bawla.
Or, if I could not be what I should, at least there should be some balance in the universe to cancel out my darkness. Should there now be an equal and opposite good? I’d envisioned the hag-faced fate as some explanation for the terrifying and improbable nightmares that kept coming for Bella—first myself, then the van, and then the noxious beast tonight.
Meyer, lampshading the fact that you use random, contrived dangers as a substitute for actual plot doesn’t make your writing any better. If anything, it makes your writing WORSE since it shows that you’re aware of how dumb this situation is.
Someone like Bella ought to have a protector, a guardian angel. She deserved that.
Hate to break it to you, Wardo, but horrible, HORRIBLE things happen to people ALL THE FUCKING TIME and it has nothing to do with how good or bad they are. You can give to charity and feed stray animals and volunteer at soup kitchens and still die in a car crash. Even BABIES die horrible deaths sometimes. So no, the universe doesn’t owe Bawla any special protection just because you’re obsessed with her.
And yet, clearly, she’d been left defenseless. I would love to believe an angel or anything else was watching over her, anything that would give her a measure of protection, but when I tried to imagine that champion, it was obvious that such a thing was impossible.
Yes Meyer, we get it, we’re supposed to think that Wardo IS the guardian angel. The guardian angel that casually fantasizes about genocide – don’t think I’ve forgotten about THAT wonderful detail.
What guardian angel could have allowed Bella to come here?
She CHOSE to come here, idiot.
To cross my path, formed, as she was, in such a fashion that there was no way I could possibly overlook her.
After all, vampires not going to high school isn’t an option!
A ridiculously potent scent to demand my attention, a silent mind to enflame my curiosity, a quiet beauty to hold my eyes, a selfless soul to earn my awe.
She smells tasty, he can’t read her tiny mind, she gave him his first vampire boner, and without his mind-reading he comes up with hilariously wrong conclusions about her being selfless. Truly a romance to end all romances.
Factor in the total lack of self-preservation so she was not repelled by me,
No one’s EVER repelled by you. Meyer couldn’t indulge in them ogling you if they were.
and then of course add the wide streak of appallingly bad luck that put her always in the wrong place at the wrong time.
It’s not bad luck – it’s just shit writing.
There could be no stronger evidence that guardian angels were a fantasy.
(glares and taps foot) Really? Really? I’d say the hundreds of natural disasters in which THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE DIE INCLUDING BABIES AND CHILDREN would be stronger evidence that guardian angels are a fantasy than one teenage girl running into a couple of random dangers and surviving.
No one needed or deserved one more than Bella.
Fuck you. Fuck you to fucking hell. You seriously have the gall to say that NO ONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD needs or deserves a guardian angel more than Bawla?? Bawla needs a guardian angel more than starving children or war refugees or cancer patients?? FUCK. YOU.
(takes deep breath) Wardo continues to be emo, saying that any guardian angel who let her meet him would be a moron and ”could not possibly be on the side of good.” He vows that he’ll keep fighting to protect Bawla from whatever’s out to get her.
A guardian vampire—there was a stretch.
Should I bring up the genocide fantasy again? Or the plot to murder an entire classroom full of students? Or the fact that Wardo doesn’t have a single decent bone in his body?
Bawla eventually stops shivering and says Wardo’s name in her sleep again and I’m going to puke. The chapter ends with Wardo allowing himself to be happy for the moment and I think I’m supposed to be charmed, but once again I’m anything but. Meyer, if you want me to want Wardo to be happy, then don’t make him the absolute scum of the earth.
Here, have some Jonathan Young to recover from Wardo.
Well, Bawla is still hesitant to tell Wardo her theories about him and it still doesn’t occur to her or Wardo or Meyer to CALL THE FUCKING POLICE ON THE RAPIST. Seriously, if you want any proof that Wardo doesn’t give a shit about any humans who aren’t Bawla, there it is right in front of you. The Cullens pretend that they care so much about humanity and saving lives . . . and yet Wardo’s not even calling the police on a FUCKING RAPIST who’s still running lose and could be raping someone else right now.
Bawla asks if she can ask one more question and Wardo agrees. She asks how Wardo knew she didn’t go in the bookstore and what direction she went after going in the bookstore. After she presses him, he admits that he ”followed your scent.”
Bawla, you’re alone in a car with a guy who admitted to stalking you, has telepathic powers, and now claims that he can “follow your scent” places. Anyone with any sense of self-preservation would be asking to pull over at the first convenience store you reach under the guise of having to go to the bathroom, then calling 911 and hoping the police can get to you before Wardo kills you.
But of course, this is Bawla, who has zero sense of self-preservation.
Like in Twilight, she asks how his mind-reading works and he explains it as best he can since ”She’d already guessed most of this, and it was an easier subject than the one that loomed.” Yeah, especially since revealing that you’re a vampire could ENDANGER YOUR FAMILY’S LIVES, but again, he’s not thinking about that.
Bawla asks why he can’t read her mind and he does the speech from Twilight where he thinks ”maybe your mind doesn’t work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I’m only getting FM.”
And she happens to be the ONLY PERSON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD with “AM frequency” thoughts. The Sueness is strong with this one.
Course, I still prefer the explanation that he can’t read her mind because she doesn’t have one.
”My mind doesn’t work right?” she asked, her voice rising. “I’m a freak?”
No, your mind doesn’t work right because you’re a moron being written by a moron.
”I hear voices in my mind and you’re worried that you’re the freak.” I laughed. She understood all the small things, and yet the big ones she got backward. Always the wrong instincts.
No, she doesn’t understand the big OR small things because like I said, moron written by moron.
Well, Wardo presses her once again about her theory and she hems and haws before exclaiming ”Holy crow!” Which still sounds as stupid as it did in Twilight. Seriously, does ANYONE in real life use that phrase? I’ve heard “Holy crap!” and “Holy shit!” and the non-swearing version “Holy cow!” but Twilight is literally the only place I’ve heard/read “Holy crow!”
Wardo ”didn’t understand where her terror was coming from” because apparently he thinks going 100 miles per hour is something normal humans do every day. When she points out how fast he’s going, he’s his usual considerate self and thinks ”This little thing, just a bit of speed, had her shouting in fear?”
Wardo, you get paranoid at the idea of Bawla going within a hundred miles of anything slightly dangerous and yet you can’t understand the concept of going 100 miles per hour being a hazard? You call it “just a bit of speed”?
Being the gentleman he is, Wardo rolls his eyes at her and talks condescendingly about how no, they won’t crash because he’s a superior vampire driver and he always goes way above the speed limit and she’s so silly for even being concerned about it. Just like in Twilight, he brags about how he’s never gotten a ticket because of his ”Build-in radar detector” and it’s as unfunny here as it was in Twilight. Guess what, reading minds won’t stop a car from running someone over.
He continues to be a condescending prick and only slows down when Bawla points out that he could walk away from an accident while she can’t. Yeah, pointing out how superior he is and how weak and pathetic she is is what gets him to slow down, but he continues to whine about how she’s making him drive slow. What a keeper.
Wardo presses the issue about her theory, promising he won’t laugh (yeah, I totally believe that after he laughs like a prick at everything), and she says she’s ”more afraid that you’ll be angry with me.” And all things considered, it sounds like she’s worried that he’ll hurt her if he gets angry.
After he presses her some more, she admits that she didn’t come up with her current theory by herself. He asks if she got the idea from something like a book and he tells us that he ”should have looked through her collections when she was out of the house. I had no idea if Bram Stoker or Anne Rice was there in her stack of worn paperbacks.” Thanks for that, Wardo. By the way, what would you have done if you found Dracula or Interview with the Vampire in her books? Would you burn them so she wouldn’t guess you guys were vampires?
Bawla confesses that she ran into Jacob at the beach. Wardo panics when he realizes that Jacob is a descendent of the Quileutes who made the treaty with the vampires and this is where we had one of the most infamous lines in the leaked draft. So did Meyer have any sense and cut the line out?
Let’s see, he’s all frozen with fear because yes, Bawla DOES know the truth, she knows they’re vampires. Bawla carefully details how Jacob told her a legend about vampires and Wardo just CAN’T BELIEVE that the Blacks dared to violate the treaty, but then he realizes that the younger generation would just think the stories were silly legends - even though you’d think the danger of YOUR ENTIRE TRIBE BEING EATEN BY VAMPIRES would be emphasized generation after generation, not to mention that OH YEAH, your teenage boys (and only one girl because Meyer is sexist that way) could spontaneously turn into WOLVES and it might be a good idea to prepare them for that.
And what do you know, here it is . . .
I supposed this meant I was now free to slaughter the small, defenseless tribe on the coastline, were I so inclined. Ephraim and his pack of protectors were long dead.
Here, I’ll let you read it again.
I supposed this meant I was now free to slaughter the small, defenseless tribe on the coastline, were I so inclined.
Here, read it again, and let me remind you that Meyer had TWELVE FUCKING YEARS to cut it.
I supposed this meant I was now free to slaughter the small, defenseless tribe on the coastline, were I so inclined.
But hey, is anyone surprised that rushing in to murder the ENTIRE FUCKING TRIBE is the first thing to come to Wardo’s mind? Moreover, he seems to like the idea that they’d be “small and defenseless” against him and that he’d be “free” to do so without the treaty holding him back. Even worse, THIS time it’s not motivated by rage like with Random Rapist or stupid jealousy like with Mike or supposed insane thirst for Bawla’s blood like when he plotted to murder the entire class. This time, he seems to enjoy the idea of murdering the entire tribe . . . simply because he can.
I know I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating: Meyer thinks this fucking PSYCHO who always has murder on the brain is the ideal man.
(sighs) I think we can all use a cat break.
”He just thought it was a silly superstition,” Bella said suddenly, her voice edged with a new anxiety, almost as if she could read my thoughts. “He didn’t expect me to think anything of it.”
I think it’s extremely telling that Bawla seems worried that Wardo will actually hurt Jacob. She goes on to say she ”forced him to tell me” and then of course blames Lauren the blonde bitch because she said something not-nice about Wardo, ”trying to provoke me.” Of course, Wardo latches on to why she’d be provoked by someone saying something rude about him (and feels zero guilt for thinking about murdering the tribe because why would he? Fantasizing about murder is just a flex for him.).
He notices that she seems to feel ”guilty” about trying to get Jacob to tell her about the Cullens, which just FLOORS him and of course he starts laughing.
She felt guilty? What could she possibly have done to deserve censure of any kind?
Meyer, first off, I can think of a LONG list of things Bawla has done to deserve censure. Second, you’re sounding REALLY pathetic the way you feel the need to emphasize how perfect and amazing Bawla is every other line.
Bawla confesses that she fake-flirted with Jacob and here we go again.
I could just imagine—considering the attraction she seemed to hold for all things male, totally unconscious on her part—how overwhelming she would be when she tried to be attractive. I was suddenly full of pity for the unsuspecting boy she’d unleashed such a potent force on.
Dear. Fucking. GOD. Where do I even begin? It’s like Meyer is TRYING to make Bawla the biggest Sue in the universe. Yes, she’s got an innate attraction to ALL things male (and of course, non-heterosexuality doesn’t exist) and it’s a “potent force” when she tries to fake-flirt. BOW BEFORE HER PERFECTION, MEYER COMMANDS YOU!!
I’m seriously starting to think that she wrote this solely so she’d have an excuse to nauseate the reader with praise for her Sue.
I wished I could have heard the boy’s reaction, witnessed the devastation for myself.
Oh, are you still daydreaming about unleashing your own devastation on the entire tribe simply because you can?
Wardo lets us know that he’s not angry at Jacob since after all, he just thought he was telling a fictional story, ”And how could I expect anyone to deny this girl what she wanted?” (gags) Not only is that more Sueiness, but it’s also rich considering how determined you will be to deny her what she wants.
No, I only felt sympathy for the damage she would have done to his peace of mind.
I do too – he was a nice guy before he became a viable love interest for Bawla. Then he got turned into an asshole before being brainwashed into falling for an infant.
Wardo asks Bawla what happened next and Bawla tells him that she went researching online and Wardo calls that ”Ever practical.” Yes, now we’re supposed to swoon over how smart Bawla is because she did a freakin’ Google search. Meyer, guess what, everyone knows how to use Google. Even my technologically illiterate mother knows how to use Google. You and Bawla aren’t special because you know how to use Google.
Then Bawla drops the bomb that she ”decided it didn’t matter.” After all, Wardo is HAWT, and that means it doesn’t matter if he kills people. Bawla probably wouldn’t care that thirty seconds ago he was literally fantasizing about MURDERING AN ENTIRE TRIBE OF PEOPLE simply because he could. You know what? When Anakin murdered an entire tribe of Tuskens in Attack of the Clones, we were clearly supposed to see it as WRONG – and Anakin actually had a justifiable motive given that the Tuskens had kidnapped his mother and tortured her to death.
Just . . . WHY? Why does Bawla think this guy is the perfect man, why does Meyer think this guy is the perfect man, why did thousands of Twihards think this guy was the perfect man? WHY? Did his hotness REALLY make everything else okay in their eyes?
Wardo tells us that ”Her reactions were always wrong—always completely wrong. She pulled danger towards herself. She invited it.” Again, he’s right for the wrong reasons. She doesn’t have “wrong reactions” because she’s a speshul snowflake – she’s just decided that you’re not dangerous because you’re hot and she’s a moron.
How was I supposed to protect someone so… so… so determined to be unprotected?
“I’ll have to stare at her even MORE now! I’ll stare at her in the bathroom, in the shower, when she’s changing – but totally not in a peeping tom way, I’m never leaving her alone FOR HER OWN GOOD!”
”You don’t care if I’m a monster?
If I’m not human?”
“No.”
I started to wonder if she was entirely stable.
I can answer that for you, Wardo – she isn’t. In fact, she’s so unstable that when you leave in the next book, she’ll start endangering herself over and over just to induce hallucinations.
And guess what, Bawla’s starting to sound like Rey in Wildfire. That’s not a good thing.
And oh FUCK, you guys need to see this next part.
I supposed that I could arrange for her to receive the best care available…
I love how you automatically assume control over what kind of help Bawla gets instead of acknowledging that you AREN’T in charge of every aspect of her life, no matter how much you want to be.
Carlisle would have the connections to find her the most skilled doctors, the most talented therapists.
Why would a general practitioner who doesn’t seem to have any non-vampire friends have connections to the best therapists? Wardo, guess what, doctors and mental health specialists don’t always all know each other.
Perhaps something could be done to fix whatever it was that was wrong with her, whatever it was that made her content to sit beside a vampire with her heart beating calmly and steadily.
You can’t fix stupidity, Wardo.
I would watch over the facility, naturally, and visit as often as she allowed.
As often as SHE allowed? Yeah, I believe that almost as much as I believe that Bawla is a feminist figure. And Wardo, I thought the problem was that she DIDN’T care that she was around a vampire – seems like a vampire visiting her would be counterproductive.
They have their argument from Twilight about whether or not it should matter that Wardo’s a monster (again, Wardo IS a monster, but that’s got nothing to do with him being a vampire).
She knew I was inhuman, a horror, and this didn’t really matter to her.
That might be touching if she actually KNEW him and had any reason to think he was a good person other than that he’s hot and he’s saved her from random dangers a couple of times. Also, he’s been an ass for most of their time together. Also also, she’s going to see him as her ticket to sparkly rich immortality.
She asks how old he is and they have their exchange where he admits that he’s been seventeen for ”A while.” I’m sure that sounded funnier in Meyer’s head.
”Don’t laugh,” she warned. “But how can you come out during the daytime?”
I laughed despite her request.
Ass. Wardo’s starting to remind me of a typical schoolyard bully with how much he’s laughing at everyone.
Her research had not netted anything unusual, it seemed.
Yeeeeaah, Meyer, you really shouldn’t brag about knowing how to use Google if you think actual research on vampires wouldn’t reveal a single one who can come out during the day. Vampires burning up in the sun is actually a relatively recent addition to vampire mythos – it was first introduced in the German silent film Nosferatu (which was a Dracula adaptation in all but name). Before that, yeah, there were vampire legends where daylight would weaken a vampire (such as in the original Dracula), but they could still go out during the day if they wanted to.
Wardo then drops the bomb that not only does he not sleep in a coffin, but he’s unable to sleep at all. Another thing that had potential to be explored, but as usual Meyer just uses it as yet another way vampires are Better Than You because wimpy humans need sleep (and also, it’s an excuse for Wardo to stare at Bawla all night).
And speaking of which, just in case we forgot for a millisecond that Wardo’s a creeper, he tells us that ”Sleep had not been a part of my life for so long—not until these last few nights, as I’d watched Bella dreaming.” Meyer, this ISN’T FUCKING ROMANTIC. This is SICK.
As I met her penetrating gaze, read the surprise and the sympathy there, I abruptly yearned for sleep.
Why, because he’s reading this book?
Not for oblivion, as I had before, not to escape boredom, but because I wanted to dream. Maybe if I could be unconscious, if I could dream, I could live for a few hours in a world where she and I could be together. She dreamed of me. I wanted to dream of her.
Or he might dream of being naked in front of a crowd of people and expected to deliver a speech he forgot to practice.
Jokes aside, this is what I mean about the idea having potential if Meyer would take her hand out of her pants for once. Personal story time: I’ve been suffering EXTREME back pain for well over a year and needless to say, it’s been interfering with my sleep. Well, the other night (after hours of lying awake) I dreamed that I was going to Ocean City with Harrison Ford and he hugged me as if he understood that I’ve been going through a really rough time. It was a silly dream, but you know what? It lifted my mood, and right now when I’m suffering so much pain I’ll take anything that lifts my mood even a little bit.
When you think about it, our ability to dream is really amazing. In dreams we create worlds without rules, without limits, where literally anything can happen. Two of my favorite movies of all time – Paprika and Inception – explore how the world of dreams can be both an enticing and a frightening place.
But when you become a Meyerpire, you lose the ability to dream. You’re stuck in the real world for the rest of eternity and you can never again visit the wonderfully weird universe of your subconscious. You’d think vampires would really miss being able to dream, but of course Meyer’s not interested in acknowledging that you might LOSE anything when you become a sparkly superior vampire and of course, Wardo only wants to dream so he can dream about being with Meyer’s Sue.
Back to the stinky book. Wardo laments that he can’t dream of Bawla and ”she shouldn’t dream of me” before pressing Bawla about why she hasn’t asked him about what he eats. Well that’s because she doesn’t give a shit if you murder people – you’re HAWT, and that’s all that matters.
At some point, she must be made to see that this all did matter—more than any other consideration. Considerations like the fact that I loved her.
Blah blah blah you don’t fucking know her blah blah blah.
Wardo’s right about one thing, though – whether or not he murders people DOES matter. So does whether or not he fantasizes about committing genocide just because he can.
Bawla tells him that Jacob said they only ate animals (and after all, Jacob is the most reliable source when he doesn’t even believe the stories are true). She asks if that’s true (since of course Wardo can be trusted to tell the truth) and Wardo says that even though they don’t eat people, they’re ”still dangerous.” Bawla the genius replies ”I don’t understand.”
Oh yes, it’s impossible to understand why vampires would be dangerous. Isn’t Bawla SMART?
Wardo tells her that even though they try not to eat humans, they sometimes ”make mistakes.” Yup, that’s all murder is – a mistake. It’s no different than cheating on a diet.
Her scent was still a force in the car. I was growing used to it, I could almost ignore it, but there was no denying that my body still yearned toward her for the worst possible reason.
(stares) Either Meyer is TRYING to make Wardo sound rapey or she’s the biggest idiot in the world.
When Bawla says ”This is a mistake?” in a sad tone, Wardo just CAN’T BELIEVE IT. She still wants to be with him! Huzzah! Sure, he’s a creepy ass and she just wants to be with him because he’s HAWT, but believe Meyer, this is a love story for the ages! ROOT FOR THEM, DAMMIT!
Blah blah blah, boring conversation from Twilight continues, Bawla asks why the Cullens don’t eat people and the fact that she DOES ask this shows where her morals lie (right next to Wardo’s).
Wasn’t it obvious? Or maybe this didn’t matter to her, either.
No Wardo, it doesn’t, because she hates humans almost as much as you do.
”I can’t be sure, of course, but I’d compare it to living on tofu and soymilk; we call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke. It doesn’t completely satiate the hunger—or rather thirst. But it keeps us strong enough to resist. Most of the time.”
Look, I’m a vegetarian – an actual vegetarian. Not a vegan (I love dairy products), but I eat tofu-based food on a regular basis. Meat substitutes can be hit-or-miss, yes, but when they hit, they REALLY hit. Tofu is actually a pretty miraculous food with how it can be used in such a diverse variety of dishes. So yeah, Meyer, way to insult vegetarians by implying that they can never be truly satisfied with what they eat (and oh yeah, vegetarians eat a LOT more than just tofu and soymilk).
Wardo confesses that it’s ”very difficult” for him to restrain himself when he’s alone with Bawla, but like the idiot she is, she doesn’t give a shit about that either. She tells him that she doesn’t think his hungry because of his color-changing eyes being yellow right now (which still makes ZERO sense) and of course Wardo has to tell us that ”she was dead right, as usual.” Except, you know, all those times when she ISN’T right and needs to be spoon-fed basic information.
Blah blah blah, more of the boring Twilight conversation, Wardo says he gets ”anxious” when Bawla’s out of his sight because ISN’T THAT ROMANTIC? Oh, and Wardo of course continues being an ass by saying he’s ”surprised that you did make it through a whole weekend unscathed.” But of course, he has to add on ”not totally unscathed” when he remembers that her hands got bruised. Bawla says she fell and Wardo grins like an ass at that.
When Wardo lets it slip that he and Emmett got back from their hunting trip on Sunday, she asks why they haven’t been to school this week because HOW DARE Wardo not go to school and let her ogle him! He tells her that even though sunlight doesn’t hurt him, he still can’t go out in the sun and we all know why. After all, nothing says “vampire” like “overload of body glitter.”
Wardo says he’ll show her even though he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to do so. Still not one word about the Volturi, by the way. Given that Wardo tries to commit suicide via sparkling in New Moon, you’d think he’d be a bit concerned about what could happen if he shows Bawla how he sparkles.
I didn’t know if I could be allowed to see her again, after tonight.
And since when has that stopped you?
Did I love her enough yet to be able to bear leaving her?
Again, that won’t matter since you’ll be convinced that she’ll end up in mortal danger if you’re not staring at her 24/7.
Bawla whines that Wardo didn’t call her even though he doesn’t OWE her a phone call, especially since they STILL BARELY KNOW EACH OTHER.
”I didn’t like it,” she said shyly, the skin over her cheekbones warming. “Not seeing you. It makes me anxious too.”
“Meyer thinks people should have no lives outside of their Forever and Ever True Love, after all. She also thinks actually getting to KNOW your Forever and Ever True Love before deciding they’re your Forever and Ever True Love is for weenies.”
I was bewildered, elated, horrified—mostly horrified—to realize that all my wildest fantasies were not so far off the mark.
“Yay, she thinks I’m hot!”
This was why it didn’t matter to her that I was a monster.
Being HAWT automatically forgives everything! Pay no attention to how Wardo was fantasizing about genocide five minutes ago!
It was exactly the same reason that the rules no longer mattered to me.
“I don’t care that the Volturi could kill my entire family over this!”
Why right and wrong were no longer compelling influences.
How cute, Meyer is trying to convince us that Wardo EVER cared about morality.
Why all my priorities had shifted one rung down to make room for this girl at the very top.
I’d repeat for the zillionth time that he doesn’t KNOW her, but he still won’t listen.
And of course, since it’s been a whole thirty seconds since Wardo last shat on humans . . .
I knew it could be nothing in comparison to how I loved her—she was mortal, changeable. She wasn’t locked in with no hope of recovery.
I love how the super-superior Better Than You vampire true love is described as being “locked in with no hope of recovery.” Again, if that’s Meyer’s idea of true love, she can fucking HAVE it. Why the fuck would anyone WANT to be “locked in with no hope of recovery” with someone they don’t even fucking KNOW?
But OH NOES, he realizes that ”it would cause her pain if I did the right thing and left her.” It’ll cause us pain too, Wardo. You have NO fucking idea how unbearable she’ll become when you leave her. But if you seriously think you might EAT her, then isn’t it better to leave and hurt her than stay and KILL her?
Was there anything I could do now that would not hurt her? Anything at all?
Hmm, you could stop being a douchebag, but that’s not an option for you.
Every word we spoke here—each one of them was another pomegranate seed. That strange vision in the restaurant had been more on point than I’d realized.
No, it just demonstrated that you and Meyer don’t understand the Persephone myth AT ALL. Besides, Bawla wouldn’t care if her mother was grieving her and plunging the world into famine while doing so because she’d just want to ogle you.
And oh . . . the cover of this book is a pomegranate . . . oh fuck me. (facepalms)
Wardo melodramatically laments that he should never have returned to Forks, but he still concludes that ”Nothing would stop me” from staying by Bawla’s side, including presumably her telling him to fuck off. Like in Twilight, he insists that Bawla should stay away from him because he’s ”dangerous” and Bawla doesn’t listen. I think I’m supposed to be invested here, but even if I didn’t already know how the story goes, I’d have no reason to be invested because THEY DON’T FUCKING KNOW EACH OTHER. Also, Wardo’s a dickhead and he was casually fantasizing about GENOCIDE five minutes ago.
Then Bawla says, ”I told you, it doesn’t matter what you are. It’s too late.” Yes, Bawla’s got the hots for Wardo, which means it’s TOO LATE. He could be a serial killer and Bawla wouldn’t care because he’s just TOO HOT FOR THAT TO MATTER!
And of course, this causes Wardo to go into Melodrama Mode.
Too late? The world was bleakly black and white for one endless second as I watched the shadows crawl across the sunny lawn toward Bella’s sleeping form in my memory. Inevitable, unstoppable. They stole the color from her skin, and plunged her into darkness, into the underworld.
Wardo, two things. One: even though you wangst to death about being a vampire, you turn up your nose at inferior pathetic humans every chance you get. Two: even though you and Meyer want me to believe Bawla is so mature and wise beyond her years, she’s still SEVENTEEN. She’s seventeen and she’s dealing with her first crush. People get over their first teenage crushes. So no, she may think it’s “too late,” but it’s absolutely not, and a century-old vampire should know that.
Too late? Alice’s vision swirled in my head, Bella’s bloodred eyes staring back at me impassively, expressionless.
But is he worried that her eyes being “bloodred” means that she might murder people in the future? Of course not, that would require CARING about humans who aren’t Bawla, silly!
But there was no way that she could not hate me for that future. Hate me for stealing everything from her.
That’s hilarious, not only because I know how much she’ll whine about wanting to be a vampire, but also because you worship the guy who changed you into a vampire even though you think it condemned you to a damned existence.
Wardo snarls at her to not say it’s too late and a tear runs down her cheek because she’s as melodramatic as he is. He apologizes and his narration launches into a nauseating spiel about all the things he’s sorry for, including ”that she was so unfortunate as to have inspired this first, and last, tragic love of mine.” Lest we forget that vampires love Better Than You because once they fall in love, they can NEVER EVER BE WITH ANYONE ELSE FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY and if they lose their One True Forever and Ever Love, they NEVER MOVE ON EVER.
Sorry also for the things beyond my control—that I’d been the executioner chosen by fate to end her life in the first place.
Wardo, she’s still human and she still doesn’t fucking KNOW you. You haven’t been chosen by “fate” to be anyone’s executioner and you can still LEAVE. DEAR GOD THIS BOOK IS STUPID.
(sighs) Wardo asks Bawla why she didn’t look scared when Random Rapist was attacking her and she does her unfunny line from Twilight about how she was trying to remember how to smash a guy’s brains in and Wardo’s an ass again.
This was no hyperbole, and her fury was not humorous now. I could see her frail figure—just silk over glass—overshadowed by the meaty, heavy-fisted human monsters who would have hurt her.
Okay, I’ll freely admit that she likely wouldn’t have succeeded in fighting Random Rapist, but it’s still the five hundredth time Wardo has emphasized how fragile and breakable she is even compared to other humans. He also tells us that ”Her instincts were deadly—to herself.” Yes Wardo, WE GET IT, you need to stare at Bawla 24/7 because she’ll drop over dead otherwise.
Blah blah blah, conversation from Twilight continues where Bawla claims ”I fall down a lot when I run” even though we see little to no evidence of that. Guess what, even when you’re LOLCLUMSY, the smart thing to do when you’re being attacked by rapists is to RUN.
”You were right,” I told her, a sour edge to my voice. “I’m definitely fighting fate trying to keep you alive.”
Trust me Wardo, she ain’t worth the effort.
Bawla asks if he’ll be in school tomorrow and I love how she doesn’t think there’s anything strange about vampires going to high school over and over again for eternity. Wardo’s narration says ”As long as we were on our way down to hell—why not enjoy the journey?” Again, Wardo, neither you nor Bawla is locked into this relationship, no matter how much Meyer wants me to believe it.
When they reach Charlie’s house, Bawla makes Wardo PROMISE that he’ll be in school tomorrow because OH NOES HOW WILL SHE SURVIVE ANOTHER DAY WITHOUT HIM? He tells her she can keep his jacket, but she still gives it back on account of she doesn’t want to tell Charlie what happened. Sure, she was almost FUCKING RAPED, but that’s none of Charlie’s business!
She’s hesitant to leave, just like how Wardo is hesitant to let her leave and ”have her unprotected, even for a few moments…” Wardo, you’re paranoid as fuck and you’re a creeper and I hate you. He muses that even though Peter and Charlotte have left by now, ”there were always others.” And, you know, the VOLTURI. You’ve told a human that vampires exist, which means that your life, her life, and your family’s lives are all in danger, but once again you’re not thinking about that.
Wardo asks her to promise not to ”go into the woods alone” because Daddy Wardo Knows Best. She responds ”Whatever you say” because she’s already learning her place.
”I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said, knowing that I would see her much sooner than that. She wouldn’t see me until tomorrow, though.
Blah blah blah Wardo is a fucking creeper blah blah blah.
Wardo tells us that it’s ”Agony” to say goodbye to her and I don’t think Meyer could get more melodramatic if she tried.
”Sleep well,” I whispered, and leaned away before the urgency in my body—either the familiar thirst or the very new and strange hunger I suddenly felt—could make me do something that might hurt her.
(stares)
Great, as if Wardo weren’t creepy enough already, now we’re implying that he’s feeling rapey.
Meyer remembers that Bawla is supposed to be LOLCLUMSY, so Bawla trips slightly as she gets out of the car and Wardo, of course, laughs like the dick he is. After she goes inside, he drives off, letting us know that he’ll ”be back soon to make sure” she’s safe. Have I mentioned how much I hate this guy?
No longer did I have to dread that she would find out what I was. She knew. It didn’t matter to her. Even though this was obviously a bad thing for her, it was amazingly liberating for me.
Hey Wardo, not meaning to be a broken record here, but aren’t there vampire leaders whose coven name begins with a V and are supposed to be the Big Bads of your series? Aren’t they supposed to be evil and corrupt and looking for any excuse to threaten your family? Any of that ring a bell? No?
More than that, I thought of Bella and requited love.
She doesn’t “love” you, idiot. She’s obsessed with your hotness. There’s a HUGE difference. Course I could repeat that you two still don’t even KNOW each other until the end of time and Meyer still won’t listen.
She couldn’t love me the way I loved her—such an overpowering, all-consuming, crushing love would probably break her fragile body.
First off, oh wow, Wardo shat on humans for the five millionth time, how original. Second, I’m not seeing any “overpowering, all-consuming, crushing love” – I’m just seeing a guy with no life obsessing over staring at a teenage girl he doesn’t even know well.
Yeah, you know what, I’ll take Leia and Han over these guys any day. They may be weak, pathetic, fragile humans who can’t dream of having the Better Than You love that vampires have, but they actually RESPECT each other as people and ENJOY being together and get to KNOW each other before falling in love and have LIVES that don’t just consist of staring at each other. That doesn’t mean their love is weak – that means they USE their love to make their lives and the lives of those around them STRONGER.
Also, neither one breaks into the other’s house to watch them sleep.
And third, Meyer thinks she’s being ironic with that line because Bawla’s “love” for Wardo is, in her own words, “an exception to the human rule.” Because Bawla is Meyer’s Sue and that means she loves Better Than You, even if her “love” mainly consists of an endless loop gushing over his hotness and then she mainly sees him as her ticket to being rich and immortal.
But even though Bawla’s just a lowly inferior human, she still cares enough about Wardo to not be afraid of him and not care that he’s a vampire, ”And being with her was the greatest happiness I had ever known.”
If being with Bawla is the “greatest happiness you’ve ever known” in a century-long life . . . Wardo, you really DO have no life. Maybe you should try taking a few decades off from repeating high school over and over.
He gushes over her for a few nauseating paragraphs and that of course leads to him wangsting about how delicate and fragile she is and then he remembers his rage at Random Rapist and how he wants to kill the guy.
Bella was, I trusted, safe inside her home; for a moment I was fiercely glad that Charlie Swan—head of the local law enforcement, trained and armed—was her father. That ought to mean something, provide some shelter for her.
Oh, you suddenly trust a puny pathetic HUMAN to protect her?
Wardo thinks that he could go murder Random Rapist now and be back in time to stare at Bawla while she sleeps, but he ”could not allow her to care for a murderer.” Ignoring the fact that he IS a murderer for a moment, notice the wording. He couldn’t ALLOW her to care for a murderer. Once again we’re reinforcing that Wardo is in charge of every aspect of Bawla’s live and he decides what she can and can’t do.
But hey look, Wardo FINALLY realizes that hey, Random Rapists is still on the loose and could rape other people BESIDES Bawla! Wow, I had no idea that any humans other than Bawla mattered! However, he of course frames it by saying he’s ”A human monster—did that make him the humans’ problem? We did not often involve ourselves with human problems, aside from Carlisle and his constant work to heal and save. For the rest of us, our weakness for human blood was a serious impediment to becoming closely entangled with them.”
One, bullshit. Two, bullshit. Three, BULLSHIT. After you had every opportunity to call the police on Random Rapist, Meyer’s NOW trying to convince me that you give a shit about his future victims? Carlisle cares SO SO MUCH about preserving human life, but he doesn’t even bother keeping his medical license up to date or LEARNING NEW MEDICAL DISCOVERIES (and that’s not even bringing up all the medical fail in later books). Also, if your weakness for human blood is really SO dangerous that you avoid humans for their own good, then why the fuck do you go to high school and expose yourselves to hundreds of humans every day??? For that matter, you don’t even need to get close to humans to make a simple PHONE CALL.
This was definitely a mortal concern, not of our world. To commit the murder I ached to commit was wrong. I knew that.
And you’ve let that stop you since when?
But leaving him free to attack again could not be the right thing, either.
Again: Call. The. POLICE. Fuck, you and Bawla could have called the police instead of going out to dinner and you could have both identified her attacker, but I guess that wasn’t as important as ordering her to drink a truckload of Coke.
Wardo thinks about the waitress from the restaurant and Horny Hostess (who we now learn was blonde because of course she was) and tells us that even though they annoyed him, that doesn’t mean they deserve to be raped. I love how Wardo feels the need to point that out, as if the reader would otherwise think that of COURSE they deserved to be raped because they dared to annoy the mighty Edward Cullen.
But, does Wardo call the police NOW? Of course not – instead he drives home, where he finds Alice sitting on the porch. Alice think talks ”Thank you for returning my call.” Wardo apologizes for missing the call she apparently made after she saw a vision of Random Rapist attacking Bawla. He tells her that he thought about inviting her to dinner, asking if she had a vision of that, but she says she didn’t catch because she’s trying to have a vision of what Jasper will give her for their anniversary.
Anyway, thanks to her future visions, Alice knows that Wardo told Bawla that they’re vampires. She think-asks if he’s going to tell the rest of the family, he says that he will ”Later.” and Alice think-responds ”Do me a favor and tell Rosalie when I’m not around, okay?” Have we mentioned that Rosalie’s a bitchy bitch blonde bitch?
I tried to block the image I didn’t want to see—Bella and Alice, best of friends.
You know, in the context of all the homoeroticism between Bawla and Alice, that sounds like Wardo’s worried that Alice will take Bawla from him.
Well, Wardo’s anxious to . . . do something to Random Rapist, I guess, but he’s also anxious about leaving Bawla alone for a whole couple of hours or so.
She’ll be fine tonight. I’m keeping a better watch now. She sort of needs twenty-four-hour supervision, doesn’t she?
Meyer, you’re laying it on really thick here. How am I supposed to believed that Bawla’s totally not a weakling when you write her as “needing twenty-four-hour supervision”?
Alice tells Wardo that he’ll ”be with her soon enough” and to ”get this done so you can be where you want to be” and I want to puke. Meyer, you’re not warming me to Alice when she condones Wardo breaking into Bawla’s house and staring at her all night.
Anyway, Wardo heads upstairs to Carlisle’s study. Alice apparently filled him in on how Bawla was attacked (did she tell him that no one called the police?) and Wardo tells him about how he wants to kill Random Rapist SOOOO BADLY! He knows that killing him for revenge is wrong, but ”it can’t be right to leave a serial rapist and murderer wandering Port Angeles! I don’t know the humans there, but I can’t let someone else take Bella’s place as his victim. Those other women—it’s not right—“
I love how Wardo assumes ALL of Random Rapist’s victims will be women. After all, men can’t be raped! I also love how Wardo feels the need to point out that he doesn’t know whoever Random Rapist’s other victims will be as if he normally wouldn’t give a shit about humans he doesn’t know. Honestly, this whole section feels like Meyer is desperately trying to backpedal and convince her critics that see, Wardo DOES TOO care about humans who aren’t Bawla!
But instead of asking why the fuck Wardo didn’t CALL THE FUCKING POLICE hours ago, Carlisle just smiles at him and think-sings praise at him and Bawla.
She’s very good for you, isn’t she? So much compassion, so much control. I’m impressed.
Yes, so much compassion that he didn’t bother thinking to CALL THE POLICE immediately after Bawla was attacked.
Carlisle think-talks that he’ll ”take care of it,” Wardo says he’ll show him where Random Rapist is, and Carlisle gets his doctor’s bag. Of course, Wardo lets us know that ”I would have preferred a more aggressive form of sedation—like a cracked skull—but I would let Carlisle do this his way.” Pinnacle of compassion there.
They drive off to Port Angeles with their headlights off ”to keep from attracting attention, which makes it more likely for another car to crash into them, but they’re so compassionate, believe Meyer!
It made me smile to think how Bella would have reacted to this pace. I’d already been driving slower than usual—to prolong my time with her—when she’d objected.
Okay, Meyer, Wardo, Carlisle, all of you, come over here, I have something to tell you. Cars DON’T have magical vampire reflexes. If you slam the brakes when it’s going over 100 miles per hour, the car is gonna go skidding and injure or kill everyone and everything in its path before it stops.
Oh, and Wardo? You could have prolonged your time with Bawla even longer if you’d driven the speed limit like a normal person. Just sayin’.
For that matter, why do you even need to take a car? Since this is a secret vampire mission, wouldn’t you get there much quicker on foot? Again, why the hell would vampires be into cars when they can run faster than the eye can see?
Oh, and Carlisle’s still think-waxing poetic about Bawla.
I didn’t foresee that she would be so good for him. That’s unexpected. Perhaps this was somehow meant to be. Perhaps it serves a higher purpose. Only…
Yes, Meyer just typed with a straight face that Bawla and Wardo’s Truest of True Loves is meant to be and serves a higher purpose. The higher purpose being . . . what? Making Bawla a superior rich Sue vampire and fulfilling Meyer’s Sue fantasies?
Speak of the devil, Carlisle then imagines Bawla as OH NOES A VAMPIRE! Of course, this causes Wardo to go into Emo Mode, wangsting, ”how could there be any good in destroying something so pure and lovely?” And now I have to laugh myself crazy, both at idiot shallow Balwa being described as “pure and lovely” and vamping her being described as “destroying” her when Meyer will make Vampire Bawla the biggest superior Sue in the universe. Then again, vamping Bawla made her even more annoying than she was before, so maybe it was “destroying” her.
Edward deserves happiness. He’s owed it. The fierceness of Carlisle’s thoughts surprised me. There must be a way.
Seriously? Mr. I’m Casually Fantasizing About Genocide Simply Because I Can doesn’t deserve ANYTHING except for the Volturi to burn him to ashes and he’s sure as HELL not owed happiness.
I wished I could believe either of his hopes. But there was no higher purpose to what was happening to Bella. Just a vicious harpy, an ugly, bitter fate who could not bear for her to have the life she deserved.
Why am I thinking of Meyer as the “vicious harpy” who can’t stand for Bawla to have the regular life she deserves and is desperate to give her sparkly rich Sue vampirism instead?
They arrive at Port Angeles and Wardo follows Random Rapist’s thoughts to a bar, where he’s ”drowning his disappointment” and two of his comrades are ”already passed out” because Meyer thinks people pass out at real bars all the time like they do in the movies. And of course, since Random Rapist’s sole purpose in the story is to threaten Bawla, he’s still thinking about her, with his ”memories of Bella mixed in with those of less fortunate girls whom no one could save now.”
Carlisle think-talks to Wardo (seriously Meyer, just because Wardo CAN read minds doesn’t mean people can’t talk to him the regular way), saying he’ll take care of Random Rapist and telling him to go back to Forks so he can break into Bawla’s house to watch her sleep. Don’t you just love how perfect saintly Carlisle condones Wardo being a creeper and actively encourages it?
So Wardo goes running back to Bawla’s house and creeps into her bedroom and FUCK I HATE THIS GUY. He’s all relieved to find her safe in her bed, but oh no, she’s shivering in her sleep. Why is she so cold? Wardo can’t figure it out, so he decides to go exploring the rest of her house (what, you suddenly trust her to not die of a heart attack in her sleep?). He hears Charlie snoring and gets a vague impression that he’s dreaming about fishing because why wouldn’t he be? Since Charlie’s a man, his only interests in life are fishing and sports – but at least that’s more interests than most people in this series have.
Wardo finds a blanket in a cupboard and spreads it over Bawla – a gesture which might be considered sweet if he weren’t FUCKING BREAKING INTO HER HOUSE!
He sits in the rocking chair to stare at Bawla and thinks about how Carlisle’s plan for Random Rapist can’t possibly go wrong because Alice saw it succeeding and as we know, Alice’s visions are totally infallible except when they aren’t.
Thinking of my father made me sigh—Carlisle gave me too much credit.
Understatement of the century.
I wished I were the person he thought me to be. That person, the one who deserved happiness, might hope to be worthy of this sleeping girl. How different things would be if I could be that Edward.
Notice the wording here. He’s not wishing to be a better person because he feels guilty for his actions or his bloodlust, but only because he thinks being a better person might help him score with Bawla.
Or, if I could not be what I should, at least there should be some balance in the universe to cancel out my darkness. Should there now be an equal and opposite good? I’d envisioned the hag-faced fate as some explanation for the terrifying and improbable nightmares that kept coming for Bella—first myself, then the van, and then the noxious beast tonight.
Meyer, lampshading the fact that you use random, contrived dangers as a substitute for actual plot doesn’t make your writing any better. If anything, it makes your writing WORSE since it shows that you’re aware of how dumb this situation is.
Someone like Bella ought to have a protector, a guardian angel. She deserved that.
Hate to break it to you, Wardo, but horrible, HORRIBLE things happen to people ALL THE FUCKING TIME and it has nothing to do with how good or bad they are. You can give to charity and feed stray animals and volunteer at soup kitchens and still die in a car crash. Even BABIES die horrible deaths sometimes. So no, the universe doesn’t owe Bawla any special protection just because you’re obsessed with her.
And yet, clearly, she’d been left defenseless. I would love to believe an angel or anything else was watching over her, anything that would give her a measure of protection, but when I tried to imagine that champion, it was obvious that such a thing was impossible.
Yes Meyer, we get it, we’re supposed to think that Wardo IS the guardian angel. The guardian angel that casually fantasizes about genocide – don’t think I’ve forgotten about THAT wonderful detail.
What guardian angel could have allowed Bella to come here?
She CHOSE to come here, idiot.
To cross my path, formed, as she was, in such a fashion that there was no way I could possibly overlook her.
After all, vampires not going to high school isn’t an option!
A ridiculously potent scent to demand my attention, a silent mind to enflame my curiosity, a quiet beauty to hold my eyes, a selfless soul to earn my awe.
She smells tasty, he can’t read her tiny mind, she gave him his first vampire boner, and without his mind-reading he comes up with hilariously wrong conclusions about her being selfless. Truly a romance to end all romances.
Factor in the total lack of self-preservation so she was not repelled by me,
No one’s EVER repelled by you. Meyer couldn’t indulge in them ogling you if they were.
and then of course add the wide streak of appallingly bad luck that put her always in the wrong place at the wrong time.
It’s not bad luck – it’s just shit writing.
There could be no stronger evidence that guardian angels were a fantasy.
(glares and taps foot) Really? Really? I’d say the hundreds of natural disasters in which THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE DIE INCLUDING BABIES AND CHILDREN would be stronger evidence that guardian angels are a fantasy than one teenage girl running into a couple of random dangers and surviving.
No one needed or deserved one more than Bella.
Fuck you. Fuck you to fucking hell. You seriously have the gall to say that NO ONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD needs or deserves a guardian angel more than Bawla?? Bawla needs a guardian angel more than starving children or war refugees or cancer patients?? FUCK. YOU.
(takes deep breath) Wardo continues to be emo, saying that any guardian angel who let her meet him would be a moron and ”could not possibly be on the side of good.” He vows that he’ll keep fighting to protect Bawla from whatever’s out to get her.
A guardian vampire—there was a stretch.
Should I bring up the genocide fantasy again? Or the plot to murder an entire classroom full of students? Or the fact that Wardo doesn’t have a single decent bone in his body?
Bawla eventually stops shivering and says Wardo’s name in her sleep again and I’m going to puke. The chapter ends with Wardo allowing himself to be happy for the moment and I think I’m supposed to be charmed, but once again I’m anything but. Meyer, if you want me to want Wardo to be happy, then don’t make him the absolute scum of the earth.
Here, have some Jonathan Young to recover from Wardo.
The Dunnins in Forks, Part 5: The Start of a Major Change
Date: 2023-04-26 02:15 pm (UTC)Sure, he was gaining attention like Bella Swan had when she arrived, but for some reason, she couldn't bring herself to hate the Welsh teen like she found herself hating Swan. Probably because he was a cute guy. Or he was, well, actually a decent person instead of giving off a slight vibe of being holier than thou like Swan did.
That feeling she got from her seemed to increase a bit lately as well, as did the crush she had on Edward Cullen start to diminish once word went around the school that he blamed Angela, a complete nobody, for how she looked when she was attacked.
Okay, in hindsight diminished was too kind. Her views of Edward Cullen being a stand-up guy fucking plummeted to the darkest depths of hell.
And that wasn't even getting started on the weirdness of her own personal life- not that anyone seemed to care anymore. Not even her exes Tyler and Mike seemed to notice her anymore, and... it hurt. Here she was, struggling with weird things happening at her home- seeing vague figures in her house, feeling tingly around the older parts of Forks, especially the woods now that she thought about it, and also noticing that she sometimes... sparked or something when she was on the verge of breaking down.
It was... she wasn't sure what it was, but it was freaking her out, especially as she stood outside the school, alone, on a Wednesday afternoon feeling like she was alone as the former queen bee of the school was relegated to the background.
"Hey, you're Lauren Mallory, right?" she heard a voice behind her say, causing her to turn to see Troy looking at her in worry. Oh God, was she doing something weird she couldn't control? She looked down at her hands and saw multi-colored sparks on her skin, as she quickly hid them behind her back and started to feel shame and embarrassment as she felt like a freak.
"I... yeah, uh..." she found herself saying, the confidence she had in the past just gone.
"Let me guess, weird shite's been going on, and you have no explanation for it?" he then said, causing her to flinch as she nodded again. Though, as she looked back at Troy, she saw his expression seemed... wait, was he showing understanding? Did he know what was going on with her!?
"Y-Yeah," she said, "I've been seeing weird images around my house, like... alien-looking figures or something? They're pretty blurry so I can't be sure, but each one is like a different color or something? Not to mention I feel weird around older parts of Forks and the woods. I definitely felt weird while visiting the Reservation with Swan and her friends too, and I kind of lashed out a bit at her because of it... not that she cares since she... well..."
"Comes off as being a bit of a bitch?" Troy asked, causing Lauren to groan.
"Oh thank God you noticed it too," Lauren said with a sigh, "I seriously do not get why everyone seems to fawn over her. She's from Arizona, that place is in the desert or mostly occupied by it. It's hot, and the desert sounds like it sucks to live in. Not to mention that she's like, really pale, to the point I'm wondering if she's got like, a deficiency in something."
"Probably Vitamin D, or Common Sense," Troy said, Lauren, noting he said Vitamin kind of weirdly. Maybe it was just the accent. He did grow up in Wales before coming to live with his Dad from what she knew about him. "Honestly, she reminds me of a bloody gecko sometimes- kind of "No Thoughts, head empty" or something like that."
Lauren snorted at that, she'd have to remember that later on, "She does, doesn't she?"
She was starting to feel a bit better, before looking down at her hands... and they were still sparking a bit.
"Ugh, just what is this, anyway?" she said, before Troy moved closer to examine them, and hummed a bit.
"I'd say you're getting superpowers," he said, earning him a look from Lauren as she silently asked if he was kidding her. "What? I'm serious! I mean, I have them too..."
He then held out his hand and... conjured up an orb of sunlight. Actual, warm, sunlight. Holy shit this was too weird, and... actually, no, this might explain things. She was getting superpowers. That... was actually kind of cool? Like, she wasn't sure what she could do, or what those weird things she was seeing meant, but maybe it was part of these powers? Hmm... maybe once she figures them out, she could use them on Swan...
Wait.
"Uh, wait, what if my powers are, like, evil or something?" Lauren then asked, "Does that mean I'm doomed to be a supervillain?"
"Hell no!" Troy said, "It's on you to decide what you use your powers- once you figure them out are used for, and no one else. Great Power and Responsibility and all that. You're human, you have a choice on what to do with your life."
"And you?" Lauren asked, noticing how he didn't use "We're."
"Eh, since I showed you I have powers, I'll let you know I'm half human on Dad's side- Mum's kind of an ancient artificial human created from a sunbeam via magic. So... technically a demi-god? Either way, still got free will myself."
"That... huh," Lauren said, not sure what else to say, before recalling the rumors about the guy who saved Angela and Jessica, "Were you in Port Angeles the other night?"
"Yeah, Angela is surprisingly good at stabbing," Troy said with a shrug, "Anyway, you uh, want to come over to my house? Dad's got some stuff down in the basement we can use to test out your powers without potentially destroying shite."
"You and your dad aren't really from here, are you?" Lauren asked, causing Troy to shrug.
"Different universe, but the less people know the better. Still, didn't think superhumans would start popping up around here, but never know what can happen, I guess."
"No kidding," Lauren asked, "Anyway, let's get going. I REALLY want to know what I can do. Maybe Bella has superpowers too. Might explain how almost everyone but us was fawning over her the moment she arrived."
"Maybe so," Troy said with a laugh as he went over to his bike, "You want to ride with me, or take your car to keep from picking it up later?"
"Oh, I actually live close to the school," Lauren said, "We can stop by my house to let my parents know we're heading over to your place to hang out on the way."
"Sounds good," Troy said, and pulled out two helmets- apparently he might have had a history with extra passengers, or he was just crazy prepared. Either way, she hopped on, and prepared to face the changes in her life head-on.
~0~
A little later, Troy and Lauren would enter his seemingly normal house, the blonde not sure what she expected inside.
Though she had to admit, the Chief of Police chatting it up with Troy's dad was not one of them. At all. Though, when the two grown men looked at the teens, she felt a little awkward as Chief Swan gave a look between Troy and his father.
"I gave her the basics, she's going through some weird shite herself at the moment," Troy said, causing Lauren to feel mortified.
"Ah, ok then," Chief Swan then said, "So, uh, Bill, you mentioned having some security cameras leftover? Do you think I can borrow them? I've been noticing something weird at the house and I'm getting kind of worried for my daughter's safety."
"Oh, I understand completely, I have the leftover cameras in the upstairs closet," Troy's father said with a shrug before heading to the other side of the room, though he did stop to look at Troy as he added, "Make sure to use all the safeguards down in the basement, if you two are doing what I think you are, I want to be sure that everything in the mini-lab down there is intact."
"Got it, Dad," Troy said, with Lauren being thankful that this wasn't being mistaken as them dating or something. This totally wasn't a date! This was just Troy helping her figure stuff out as a friend. Sure, he was cute, but Lauren got the feeling that he might not be looking for a relationship at the moment. Especially with apparently being in a different universe, he might already have a girlfriend or something. Though, for some reason, she didn't want to cross out boyfriend as a possibility as well.
Either way, the walk to the basement lab was surprisingly mundane. It was just downstairs with no fanfare- though, she had to admit the strange tech was like looking at a sci-fi movie with an insane budget to play with- holograms floating about, very cool looking holo-screens displaying information she couldn't quite understand, and... A Costume Previewer? Why was there a machine labeled that? Was... was it like, a way to try on something to see how it looked, without actually wearing it? Well, that probably did save money on materials, now that she thought about it...
"Right then, let's get started," Troy said as he walked over to a corner with exercise equipment, a punch machine, and some scanner-looking thingy Lauren wasn't so sure about. As the blonde followed after him, she had to admit this was starting to feel a bit overwhelming as she followed him to the punch machine first.
"So, you want me to hit that, I'm guessing?" Lauren asked.
"Yeah, I mean, a good way to see if you have super strength," Troy said, fiddling with a control panel as Lauren saw numbers show up and the Punch Machine shudder. "And now it's properly braced in case you do have that like I do."
"Super strength, and Solar Powers?" Lauren asked as she quirked an eyebrow, before walking over to the machine and giving it her best punch- imagining it as Stupid Bella's face seemed to help, as the score or whatever showed up as 343.
"Huh, bit stronger than average," Troy said, before pointing to the scanner, "Anyway, step in there, and it will scan you for any energy weirdness."
"Alright..." Lauren said, thinking she didn't have to strip since he didn't mention it. Once she was in the scanner, she shivered as a giant ring lowered itself around her, making her feel weird as the colorful figures started appearing in her vision, and started to clear up. Seven of them in different colors- a red bird, a blue serpent, a green, horned frog, a golden rabbit, an orange puffball, a purple plant thing, and finally a pink wisp. They seemed to be hovering around her, looking cute and simplistic, and seeing them all made her feel warm inside. She looked down at her hands and saw the colors shift and swirl and spark, and she just felt... right.
Like, she this was fine, and that things would be okay.
The machine stopped and Lauren could still see the small beings around her as she looked at Troy and wondered if he could see them too.
"Right, so... the scanner did pick up some energy readings, but it's more... magical than anything specific. Also, uh... seems the scanner also caused some friends to appear as well."
"So, I'm magic?" Lauren said, "And you can see them too now!? Am I going to have to try and hide them?"
"I mean, could be because my mum's born from magic so... I dunno. They're not really showing up on the Scanner's readings so...?"
He gave a shrug as he clearly wasn't sure either, and Lauren decided to try something. She focused a bit and tried to imagine just... making something, anything in her hand. In response, the orange puffball seemed to become more like a small dog or something as it soon spat out something into her hand.
"Did... did that just spit out a hairbrush?" Troy asked, causing Lauren to smile as she used it on her hair, and noticed that it definitely felt like it was making her hair healthier as a result.
"Magic Hairbrush, apparently," Lauren said with a chuckle. "So, I get magic rainbow spirit powers, I guess."
"Yeah...let's just experiment a bit more before we go fight crime together- also maybe develop some gear for you as well, can't exactly fight crime without something to hide your identity and all."
"Yeah, that... that's true," Lauren said, before smiling, "Well, let's get started! This... might actually be a bit of fun!"
And so, with that, Lauren unknowingly became a spark of change in the world she knew.
-------
Yeah, this was pretty much an interlude of sorts. Also, justice for Blondes.
Re: The Dunnins in Forks, Part 5: The Start of a Major Change
Date: 2023-04-27 02:31 am (UTC)Re: The Dunnins in Forks, Part 5: The Start of a Major Change
Date: 2023-04-27 02:35 am (UTC)Re: The Dunnins in Forks, Part 5: The Start of a Major Change
Date: 2023-04-27 02:47 am (UTC)Re: The Dunnins in Forks, Part 5: The Start of a Major Change
Date: 2023-06-10 05:34 am (UTC)Okay, in hindsight diminished was too kind. Her views of Edward Cullen being a stand-up guy fucking plummeted to the darkest depths of hell.
As they should!
"Probably Vitamin D, or Common Sense," Troy said, Lauren, noting he said Vitamin kind of weirdly. Maybe it was just the accent. He did grow up in Wales before coming to live with his Dad from what she knew about him. "Honestly, she reminds me of a bloody gecko sometimes- kind of "No Thoughts, head empty" or something like that."
Definitely common sense.
"Super strength, and Solar Powers?" Lauren asked as she quirked an eyebrow, before walking over to the machine and giving it her best punch- imagining it as Stupid Bella's face seemed to help, as the score or whatever showed up as 343.
Bella can inspire people for some things.
More of Meyer's bullshit
Date: 2023-06-10 06:48 am (UTC)Leah: After this, can we take a break for something more pleasant? You know, like twenty red-eyed vampires who try to kill us?
Finn: If you hate this book so much, why do you keep sporking?
Leah: Because the more I read, the less bad I feel for condoning you stabbing Bella, or for beating up Edward in the afterlife.
Finn: Fair.
Well, Bawla is still hesitant to tell Wardo her theories about him and it still doesn’t occur to her or Wardo or Meyer to CALL THE FUCKING POLICE ON THE RAPIST. Seriously, if you want any proof that Wardo doesn’t give a shit about any humans who aren’t Bawla, there it is right in front of you.
Leah: You are all talk, Edward! You could have killed the rapist in a hundred ways, incapacitate him non-lethally in fifty, and call the police in two, with phone or face to face, and you did none of the above. Because you feared you would scare one of his victims. And yet you have murdered disabled people.
I am sending a copy to the Legion the next time I see them, because the second layer might be too mild for this scum.
Finn: You mean the one where the random encounters were a headache? Makes sense.
Like in Twilight, she asks how his mind-reading works and he explains it as best he can since ”She’d already guessed most of this, and it was an easier subject than the one that loomed.” Yeah, especially since revealing that you’re a vampire could ENDANGER YOUR FAMILY’S LIVES, but again, he’s not thinking about that.
Leah: Well, he did try to expose himself in public to get killed by the Volturi, and he didn't care how many people would have to die with him.
Finn: Why? To ignite a spark of rebellion?
Leah: No, because he couldn't be away from Bella for too long.
Finn: The bastard.
”My mind doesn’t work right?” she asked, her voice rising. “I’m a freak?”
Finn: Yes. Anyone who doesn't care how many they will hurt as long as they gain immortality is a freak.
Wardo ”didn’t understand where her terror was coming from” because apparently he thinks going 100 miles per hour is something normal humans do every day. When she points out how fast he’s going, he’s his usual considerate self and thinks ”This little thing, just a bit of speed, had her shouting in fear?”
Finn: You are very bad at hiding your true colors.
Leah: 100 kilometers per hour? Yeah, he is not dodging my Three Mach Overdrive, especially since he doesn't train!
Then Bawla says, ”I told you, it doesn’t matter what you are. It’s too late.” Yes, Bawla’s got the hots for Wardo, which means it’s TOO LATE. He could be a serial killer and Bawla wouldn’t care because he’s just TOO HOT FOR THAT TO MATTER!
Leah: Oh, hi, Imprinted Rey.
I supposed this meant I was now free to slaughter the small, defenseless tribe on the coastline, were I so inclined. Ephraim and his pack of protectors were long dead.
Leah: Because of a story about vampires?
(Bashes her fists together) Hold on a second, I am going to check if Edward can be farmed for XP.
(Comes back a bit later) Yes, he can be farmed for XP.
That was because he wanted to murder my whole tribe!
When they reach Charlie’s house, Bawla makes Wardo PROMISE that he’ll be in school tomorrow because OH NOES HOW WILL SHE SURVIVE ANOTHER DAY WITHOUT HIM? He tells her she can keep his jacket, but she still gives it back on account of she doesn’t want to tell Charlie what happened. Sure, she was almost FUCKING RAPED, but that’s none of Charlie’s business!
Finn: Of course it's not, because if Charlie protects her from this threat, he will protect her from every threat. Edward is a walking red flag.
(takes deep breath) Wardo continues to be emo, saying that any guardian angel who let her meet him would be a moron and ”could not possibly be on the side of good.” He vows that he’ll keep fighting to protect Bawla from whatever’s out to get her.
A guardian vampire—there was a stretch.
Leah: Don't pretend to be an angel! Committing genocide over the fear of someone being aware of the creatures of the night? That's exactly what the Dark One's demons do!
Speak of the devil, Carlisle then imagines Bawla as OH NOES A VAMPIRE! Of course, this causes Wardo to go into Emo Mode, wangsting, ”how could there be any good in destroying something so pure and lovely?”
Finn: Pure and lovely?
Sorry also for the things beyond my control—that I’d been the executioner chosen by fate to end her life in the first place.
Finn: No, you chose to do that, don't hide behind fate like a spineless fuck!
Leah: I am supposed to be the rude one...
Yes, Meyer just typed with a straight face that Bawla and Wardo’s Truest of True Loves is meant to be and serves a higher purpose. The higher purpose being . . . what? Making Bawla a superior rich Sue vampire and fulfilling Meyer’s Sue fantasies?
Pan: Should have the Dark One spork.
Leah: No need, I can see his higher purpose. It was to make our tribe allies with the vampires, so they would let the bloodsuckers oppress humans with no resistance.
No one needed or deserved one more than Bella.
Finn: All the ex-Stormtroopers, the children that had grown men imprint on them, all slaves, every child that is in a city under siege, the late Leia Organa...
Also, neither one breaks into the other’s house to watch them sleep.
Finn: Except maybe Wolverton's version.
I wished I could have heard the boy’s reaction, witnessed the devastation for myself.
Oh, are you still daydreaming about unleashing your own devastation on the entire tribe simply because you can?
Wardo lets us know that he’s not angry at Jacob since after all, he just thought he was telling a fictional story, ”And how could I expect anyone to deny this girl what she wanted?”
Leah: You will force Jacob to watch as you kill us all? Me, Seth, Emily, Embry, Mom... not on my watch, you piece of shit.
Finn: Also, I am not giving Bella what she wants. Problem?
Pan: Dismissed. Overall? That was a load of bullshit.
Re: More of Meyer's bullshit
Date: 2023-06-10 08:52 pm (UTC)Well, there's a reason why they have the nicknames "WolverHan" and "Bellaleia" in the COPL spork - because they don't resemble their canon selves one damn bit.
Leah: Because of a story about vampires?
(Bashes her fists together) Hold on a second, I am going to check if Edward can be farmed for XP.
(Comes back a bit later) Yes, he can be farmed for XP.
That was because he wanted to murder my whole tribe!
WOOHOO! GO LEAH!!
Even by Meyer standards, it's still fucking BAFFLING that she has him casually fantasize about genocide and treats it like a big nothing and thinks we should still see this guy as the perfect man.
Re: More of Meyer's bullshit
Date: 2023-06-10 08:58 pm (UTC)